Internet banner ads. They may very well be a scourge to my existence. Or not. Not at all. Generally I don't look at them I guess. But every once in a while, one will catch my eye, usually because it is flashing bright colors, and well, I like shiny things. Anyways, the other day one in particular caught my eye. It had a caricaturized picture of George W. Bush (who actually looks like a caricature himself without caricaturization, but that is a whole other blog unto itself. well, like a three sentence blog at the very least, speaking on my general amusement at having a President who is monkey like in appearance and says things that I believe monkeys might say if they could talk...phenomenal) and then a large blinking "YES" and "NO". Evidently, as was spelled out in smaller text, people were supposed to vote, either yes or no, and by doing so, could then receive a free dinner for two to the Olive Garden. So, somehow the Olive Garden will give you free meals simply by voicing your opinion of the President. And to think, I never knew there was a hidden agenda behind their breadsticks and salad. Now I know. It really is a restaurant founded by the Gallup Pollsters, and by the waitstaff there asking casual questions like, "How is your garlic marinara chicken?", they are really asking "How do you feel about H RES 794, a bill recognizing the 17th anniversary of the massacre in Tiananmen Square, Beijing, in the People's Republic of China, and for other purposes?" So, watch out.
The other day, for some reason, I found myself watching a high quality soap opera on Telemundo. Unfortunately, I do not speak Spanish, but I found the show highly entertaining and hope to inadvertently watch it again in the near future. Here is a brief summary of the excitement that you may have missed on whatever the hell show I watched. (I think it was called "Frijoles Loco" or something...and please, don't correct me if I'm wrong)
So, in the first scene Juan was just walking in the forest, and then was suddenly being held at knifepoint by a ninja. All this before the credits for the show even went by. Then we are cut to a scene of old wise Pablo (with equally thick eyebrows and mustache) entertaining a few people in his fine mansion and drinking some very fine tequila with them. They then discuss something happiness inducing until one of the three women there says something that angers Pablo greatly (at this point I am just WAITING for a ninja to appear) and causes him to furrow his eyebrows such that it looks like they are going to fall off. After some emphatic gesturing towards the woman, she leaves, crying. Then we go back to the ninja attacked Juan, and suddenly, whammo, Juan remembers he's packing and pulls out his gun! what a retard. Pretty much, as a general rule of mine, when being attacked by a ninja and I have a gun, I will then shoot the aforementioned ninja. So then there is all that going on. Then we go back to the drunken old man and his lady friends. They all seem rather discouraged and I believe Pablo has a drinking problem judging by the looks that he is getting from the women as he pours more liquor from the waterford decanter into his glass. Either they are giving those looks, or there drawn on eyebrows are making me incorrectly gauge their emotions. Eyebrows=Important. This was all I was able to view, but you can understand my excitement at hoping I get to watch this show again.
Yesterday, while watching the NBA Draft predraft thingy (sweet lord I use some descriptive language...thingy), they commentators were discussing some player and one of them then used the phrase "I'm not quite sure I'm ready to drink the Kool-Aid on this guy yet." And I was just like whoa. Are they reaching that far for phrases now that as a way to express uncertainty about something, this man is referring to a cult suicide? Wow. If you have no idea what I am talking about, I'll include a link and then you can read about it and understand what I am saying when I use this phrase, cuz you best believe it is getting thrown into my lexicon. (http://www.infoplease.com/spot/jonestown1.html the Kool-Aid part is at the bottom, then you'll get it)
Earlier today a co-worker and myself were discussing our departure plans for the weekend, and I told him I was leaving after we got off work at noon and I stopped at home to get my dog. He replied by saying "Yeah, I'm doing that too, but I just have to stop at home and get Ann. I'm not even going to go inside, she's just going to bring everything down. I guess that is one more reason why a wife is better than a dog." Ummm, yeah, chalk that one up to the list of how a human can possibly be better than a dog. So, I thought of making a brief list, and hopefully everyone can add to it, their thoughts of why wives may in fact, be superior to pet dogs. (please note I do not have, nor have I ever had a wife, so this is all speculation)
1. They can carry things to your car when you are going on a road trip and you don't have to go inside to get them.
2. Rather than crapping on your lawn, they poop in a toilet (if you are lucky)
3. They can cook YOU dinner, instead of you having to keep smelly crap around that you have to put in a bowl for them a couple times a day.
4. Wives can express themselves verbally. Dogs, not so much.
5. Wives leave it up to mild clues and tiny hints that they are upset. Dogs wag their tails, urinate, and do other such things to indicate their mood. ADVANTAGE DOGS!
Seriously party people, add some of your own to the list. And comment. Or else I can just keep all this stuff to a witty inner dialogue. Extremely witty at that.
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