Sloths will fuck your world up. WEAR IT! I am half tempted to just to head to South America and hang out with some of these three toed bastards. Talk about a leisurely life...a leisurely life of sleeping, drinking, shanking people and doing other people's girlfriends. Oh hell no. (By that I mean yes. It's one of those sarcastic statements I have been known to use every 3rd sentence)
http://www.clipstr.com/videos/SNLSloths/
I believe I am starting a turn back towards being a smarty pants, or at the very least, an educated pair of shorts. I trace this to my radio listening. There was a time not so long ago when I wanted to, during any commute, listen to phone pranks as played by radio stations, typically with lots of farting noises. This was also during a brown liquor phase of my life, (XVII) not to be confused with the current longing for brown liquor phase of life (the II, the first being age 3-17) that I am in mainly due to responding to my body and it's desire for sleep and my liver taking a minor sabbatical. Then something happened. I started once again listening to NPR all the time. What a nerd. But at the same time, not nerdy. Classy. Elegant. Smart. Sophisticated. En Fuego. Pantsless. Frenetic. Antidisestablishmentarianism. Pi. &^%$! You get what I'm saying? Regardless, I am captivated by the Marketplace program every evening. Which means, maybe I am interested in that kind of stuff. The world markets and stocks and finance really do get my wheels a turnin. Maybe I need to turn into a financial humor blogger:
The Dow Jones Industrial Average (which sucks the C of the Wilshire Index, in this writer's humble opinion) has been jumping up and down, some days up like Shawn Kemp of his Supersonics day, some days like Shawn Kemp after he got all fat and whatnot, and some days going down like the balance of Shawn Kemp's bank account after he finds out about yet another child he has fathered. (Okay, so that was more like a financial, non humor, Shawn Kemp related blog. It would be one of the top 15 Shawn Kemp related blogs, for sure)
To continue to snooty economics lesson (Shawn Kemp included. He supports a small nation worth of children and an economic study of the amount of televisions he has purchased as well as buyouts he has given to women to keep them from filing paternity suits would be very interesting) But with the recent financial bailout, the government has named part of the program T.A.R.P. (Troubled Asset Relief Program). I, however, have a problem with this acronym. Have you ever ysed a tarp? They are a stopgap solution, a patch in the roof of homeless man's cardboard abode, something that your Dad throws over something that he does not know how to fix or is leaking for whatever reason...so why US government why? Couldn't you have come up with some sort of acronym like H.A.M.M.E.R.? (Hastened Assistence Program for Macroeconomic and Microeconomic Error Reform) The point is it does not matter what the letters stand for- this is Merica! Give me something better then T.A.R.P.- B.O.N.E.S.A.W. Think how much better that would be- and how it would look to the rest of the global financial markets?
US UNVIELS PLAN, NAMED BONESAW TO FIX ECONOMY
instead of the lame-o
US THROWS TARP OVER SHITTY ECONOMY
(that was an actual NY Times headline a couple weeks ago)
Old people, and companies and marketing for companies done by old people- the slang term for the internet of the "web" has nothing to do with an actual web. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch. Which is why I want to ask these companies why they have billboards that say "Find us on the Web!" and typically feature- and I am not making this up- caricaturized faces of company employees heads on the bodies of spiders sitting on a spider web. Seriously? You couldn't put a picture of a computer or something? Had to use the old half human spider on an actual spider web? Really? IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SPIDERWEBS EVEN IF YOU WANT TO CALL IT THE "WEB". If that is all your marketing team can come up with, call me...I will gladly take your money and come up with a better billboard or way of letting people know you can be found on the internet.
Alright, I feel like I am ranting worse than that old guy with eyebrows even bigger than mine from 60 Minutes. KONICHIWA.
