Try walking into conversations at bars with that one. Or just saying it over and over again when you are talking to someone. It will lead them to believe they have offended you or your heritage in some way and frighten them to ask what you mean. Or you might end up fighting someone to the death. Speaking of which, two all too frightening and common utterances of mine lately have been, "Do you want to fight to the death?", and "I'll murder your family". Of course, both are said in jest, I do not desire to fight anyone to the death nor will I murder anyone's family. Luckily I must say it with a humorous tone as no one has been too offended as of yet, nor have I fought anyone to the death. But, being in Chicago, I am scared I might say this to the wrong eye-talian person when I am drinking some night and end up getting killed in a fight to the death by a bunch of angry men with aluminum bats.
So anyways, I have some linguistics for everyone to ponder. Think about, laugh at, urinate towards, whatever. For this gay ass blog I had literally at least seven post it notes with shit scribbled on it to write about....funny shit, I think. But some of my notes I just don't quite get. I'm off track again. So, words and phrases and humor are my intention, yet my mind seems to have a one track focus on working in some weird reference to insects. I probably should not go out on anymore Wednesday nights.
The phrase "you really outdid yourself". Can someone, rather than outdoing themself, just do themself? Will I ever, in serious company, be able to say this without laughing really hard and pretending like I thought it was an actual phrase.
"Oh this dinner is good. You really did yourself." Why the hell can't that work? If they outdid themself, which if you say it enough or type it enough starts to sound bizarre anyways, they should be able to do themselves. Man law.
Same thing with the word "overwhelmed". Can someone just be whelmed? I say fuck yeah. It just means that I am neither overly impressed or unimpressed. (right now, I am thinking, goddamn, my family full of english gurus who already love mocking my making up of words and lack of verbal whatnot, are going to have a field day with this crap....oh well). Everyone start being whelmed with shit, and pronto. I'll start the revolution, like the Che Guevara of meaningless words that no one really cares about.
The phrase "if you will", well when people say that, do you really have a choice of not? Can you say, "No I won't" or an enthusiastic "Oh, I will". For instance when someone is talking and says something like "So I was walking down the avenue, if you will, and...." that's when I would be a complete dick and throw in a "NO I WON'T"....then when everyone was really confused as to what the hell I was talking about, I would have to walk away and probably have a drink. Not that I wouldn't be drinking already.
A couple more things:
1)Shut the hell up, I owe you nothing. I know I may have promised the best blog in the history of the world (or at least of the day) but I still have yet to overcome my general disdain for typing. I really need to voice record my thoughts and have someone type them up. Or just have a direct connection to my mind, but then everyone would be frightened at what came out on the screen. Like 45 billion random thoughts a minute. Like one second thinking about how cool pterodactyls were, and the next pondering why people think hot air balloons are cool, then thinking about a funny time in third grade.
2)Don't do that.
Let me know what you want to hear. I will talk about it. And let me know if you want to be my typist.
TASTY.
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