Observations from the world....and man law

First things first, a few observations from the world around me. Tru TV, which is evidently a channel, has a new show (maybe it's new, maybe it's in its 12th season, maybe they bought the rights to it from Fox?? I don't know) about the dramatic events at a pawn shop. The name of this show? Hardcore Pawn. What immediately came to mind is that any true Bostonian is going to somehow get screwed over should they happen to love this show, particularly if they are asked how they feel about their favorite TV show in a job interview or other socially awkward situation. Because you know what it would sound like they were saying..."I LOVE HARDCOH PORN" And they might also love that. I do not know these things.

Second things, well, second. As is wont for things that go second, to be second. The other day I was reading over the shoulder of a man on the train. The title of the chapter of whatever shit book he was reading was "What is your biggest fear? Speaking, rejection, or failure?" How about something legit, buddy. Like goddamn poisonous snakes. Or sharks off seal island in South Africa. Flesh eating bacteria. The list goes on and on. That is why people need to not be worried about crap like public speaking. No one cares what you are saying. Just don't be a person from Boston talking about how much you love the show Hardcore Pawn. Or pee yourself.

Finally I have long been wishing to express rules of man law because I feel it is of such great importance to our society, the world, and our future. So, the first rule of man law presented to the world:

Those tiny backpacks that have merely strings that go over your shoulder, and you have to hold on, which additionally look as if they could hold only your favorite bracelets ARE NOT FOR MEN. These are for 7 year old girls. Some men have countered with, "They are perfect for carrying shoes." NO. A normal backpack can do that too. Or carry them in your hand, like a real man. Goddamnit, this makes me so irate. So please, mock any man you see wearing these, both those you know, and strangers on the street. A nice cackle and saying something like "What's the matter, no backpacks for men? Had to borrow your 7 year old sisters backpack?" Then these could be eradicated once and for all, because I think even 7 year old girls have moved on from these sissy bags.

Part 1 in a 10 Part Series- The Best Actors Ever

First and foremost, it is Aug 1st, so Happy Shark Week...in the words of the ever poetic Tracy Jordan, "Live every week like it's shark week." A truer statement has never been spoken. I have, however, thought truer statements. I just don't want to upstage this comment.

Now to get down to business, discussing the Top 10 Actors of all time.

#10 Michael Oliver

At this point many of you are thinking, "Michael Oliver? Who the fuck is that? How can the #10 actor of all time be someone whose name I do not even know?"

You probably know him better by his birth name...Michael Oliverius. Still not ringing a bell, morons? Here's a photo:










This thespian who is known namely for his brilliant portrayal of "Junior" in 2 Problem Child movies (the series also spawned a third, made for TV movie which Oliver did not appear in for fear of diluting the character. And I just made that up) is without a doubt one of the Top 10 Actors of our time. Do they traditionally make a series of 3 films without a successful star at the helm for at least the first two? I'll give you some examples, with the actor's all time rating in parentheses:

Indiana Jones series featuring Harrison Ford (329)
The Matrix Series starring Keanu Reeves (12...sorry Keanu, not quite top 10 material)
The Land Before Time series starring Littlefoot (22)

Need any more proof? I thought not.

Oliver, classically trained in method acting as well as with Strasberg's techniques, owned the screen even when appearing along slightly more notorious actors like John Ritter (34), Michael Richards (19) and Jack Warden (456). Marlon Brando oftentimes would speak of Oliver's performances wistfully before he died, lamenting, "I wished I could have had half his (Oliver's) presence on the screen." Second truest statement ever spoken.

Oliver, like many others who know when to get out while at the top of their game, only appeared in a couple bit roles after the Problem Child films, and I for one think this would have to be due to the fact that playing these roles with such passion and vigor would be just too draining to continue at such a level. However, I could be writing this post about Top 5 all time Actor Michael Oliver had we at the very least gotten to see him reprise his role in Problem Child 3.