As some of you know, or wish that you didn't know, Wednesday nights have become the IT night of the week again. And by again, I mean for the first time since the days of the week were given names, and Wednesday was plopped dead in the middle. Sort of exciting because the end of the week approaches, but not really enough to start going buck wild, like you would on say, a Monday.
But that is neither here nor there. Due to my housemate and co-worker's whorebagishness, and the fact that he does not work on Thursday's, he somehow convinced me and of course Brian and Paul to start going out on Wednesday nights. And it was soon discovered that local favorite bar, Doc's, featured karaoke and the brilliant musical stylings of Nick B. (a man who I cannot begin to describe in writing, but let's just say I heard a rumor he was deaf and during a performance of Pretty Woman, he actually says the word "growl" rather than making a growling noise) on said Wednesday nights. Long story short, Wednesday nights suddenly started getting crazy, and to tone it down for the infantile readers, Wednesday nights cause me to wake up fully clothed, including shoes, on Thursday mornings. That is far too drunk for the middle of the week. (Haha, no it's not. No it's not at all)
With the combination of drinking and karaoke, and my natural lust to entertain people, I obviously have been an active performer on karaoke nights. Here, with some more ado, is a week by week play by play (there are probably supposed to be a bunch of hyphens in there, but down with the grammatical rules imposed upon me and countless innocent others).
Week One- Before we were even sure what had happened, Paul, Brian and myself were signing up to perform. I had suggested "Under the Bridge" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, a song which, when I sing it to myself in the car with the volume turned up loud enough that I cannot actually hear myself, I sound exactly like Anthony Kiedis. So, I thought we were signed up to do this song, but evidently one of the other brilliant singers with whom I was performing decided we should do "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC. Unfortunately, like all other AC/DC songs, it sort of has a high pitch. So the three of us drunkasses get up there and it is like we are having a falsetto outdoing contest (fal-set-to (n.) when a man sings all girly like and high pitched ((Random House dictionary)), each one of singing more high pitched than the next. Needless to say, I think we ruined that song for everyone who heard it.
Week Two- With a larger group of drunkards this week, Paul, Brian, Logan, Derek and I performed classic standby "Bohemian Rhapsody". Luckily Logan is like a doppelganger for a young, and just as fruity Freddie Mercury. But all kidding aside, and placed in the cupboard appropriately, this song is a fun one to do. And we did not sound half shabby. Then Brian and I did "Under the Bridge" as I had so desired to do the week before. And it was also not half shabby. And I was filled with such hubris that I quit my job the next day and I began writing songs while strumming along harmoniously on the kazoo. Or not. It should also be noted that I did pushups during all instrumental breaks for every karaoke performer that night, and may have also grinded on Nick B. But that didn't really happen, people just made that stuff up and told me I did it because I had been drinking. But really I did do this stuff.
Week Three- We accidentally arrived a tad late, but performed the biggest crowd pleaser that we had performed thus far. The Ray Parker Jr classic, Ghostbusters. Seriously, people were really into this song. And to think the karaoke lady made an exasperated sighing noise when I turned in my request to perform this. Little did she know.
Week Four- In the name of keeping it tasty or some disgusting drinking ability that I do not know of, I decided to have a couple to six Jack and Coke's prior to even going to the bar. So then I performed my top secret karaoke standby, Mack the Knife. Little did everyone know, I had been performing this song for many years and pretty much can do it without the words, which I think due to the amount of liquor I had consumed, I was doing it without the words. Then, Logan and I did a brilliant version of Minnie the Moocher. Which, the the part of the song where it speeds up, I butchered it entirely. Then I performed Adam's favorite karaoke song with him "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy", which he always makes me do with him, even though he usually ends taking my microphone from me because I hate that song. Or something.
So, Wednesdays are fun. The new hotness.
This brings me to the etiquette section of the blog. Now, I know you are thinking, there is no etiquette section in this blog, and I say "You are correct, but seriously, shut the hell up. A plague on both your houses." And I had not yet gathered enough information on the new etiquette from the new age Emily Post, Trevor Giancarlo. Here are some of the rules of the new Trevor code of etiquette. Bring these rules with you in lifes social situations, and you will prosper, or maybe get beat up. But it is up to you to try it out.
-If invited to a party and told to bring along some extra food to grill, bring an old package of hot dogs you find in the fridge at home, preferably extra slimy in texture and with questionability as to their freshness. And NEVER ever bring buns.
-When leaving a party, after politely asking if you may bring one for the road, grab the one beer. The, when no one is looking, put as many more as you can in your pockets. Because, the host should not have the burden of drinking all that beer.
-ALWAYS take the last slice. No matter what it is, if it has been sliced, take the last one regardless of how much anyone else has had. And don't pull a dick move and ask if anyone else wants it.
That is all the rules I have for now. More etiquette later, worry you not.
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