It will cost at least 15,000 Thai Baht (384.71 dollars) For me to make a life out of blogging

Seriously, if anyone out there is running a mega-corporation and wants me to type up some funny ass shit week after week to boost employee morale (and deflate egos when necessary as well as excessively market Eggo Waffles), go ahead contact me. I can't promise much, just something weekly to keep the employees on their toes and to boggle corporate nanostructure and other such hierarchal prototypes. See, I am already familiar with the BS kind of language large corporations enjoy.

I would like to learn to play the game mah-jongg as was portrayed with boredom in such films as "The Joy Luck Club" and "Weekend at Bernie's II". Only I want to learn to play it with some authentic Asian people, mainly so I can begin wearing kimonos, and gossiping at a nail salon. It is my unalienable right, right? Who doesn't deserve to play some sort of weird tile game, drink some saki, and talk about how poorly Meng is doing in school and how husband #1 dislikes jasmine rice.

Ever since my emergency nut surgery, I have a glowing new outlook on life. Very few things can even get me the least bit flustered, because in every situation I just ask myself, "Is this worse then getting your nuts sliced open?" The answer, in all non-fatal situations, is almost always no. So, a deadline at work is rapidly approaching and you haven't done shit? No big deal. You don't have any food to eat for the next week? It's not worse then a three inch scar down the side of your balls when all you did was go to sleep at night. I think everyone should aspire to have something like this happen, because it really helps out with perspective.

I am very pumped up about the upcoming Chicago Cubs season and summer in general. I already grilled out one night last week even though it was rather cold and dark. I purchased tickets to two games in Chicago, and one in Milwaukee (I have seven tickets for the Milwaukee game and have thus far invited 3 people, so let me know if you might want to ride up July 7) and my uncle has invited me to two games, plus the game or two that Haley's Dad normally gives us tickets to...wow-ie. It's gonna be a fun summer.

Last week I got a phone call that falsely got my hopes up about finding a job in Advertising. They called me and seemed to really want to get a hold of me (as they left several messages) so I called back and setup an interview. Then I was talking to Trevor and told him about this what I thought was kickass opportunity only for Trevor to reveal to me that this company, although it had advertising in its name, was actually like a bottom feeder of the advertising world and that he had worked there for one day before finding out that the first year of "field work" involved door to door sales of Golf Course Packages and Applebee's Gift Cards on a commission basis. To DC Advertising Inc, I have this to say, "You are a bunch of dumbass idiots if you think men of wit and genius, such as myself and Trevor Giancarlo( a modern day version of Bill Shakespeare and Ben Johnson)will sell your crap door to door, then you though way wrong....strike that...it is beyond way wrong, it is unrealistic and unfathomable thinking. I should have the management of your corporation spayed and neutered before reproduction can take place. Thank you. PS, maybe your new corporate slogan can be, 'We sell crap and call ourselves advertisers, and those people who put up billboards are advertising facilitators too, oh wait nevermind we are all just a bunch of idiots (monkey noises)'"

On a totally related note, Manute Bol, a 7'6" former NBA star straight out of the Sudan was arrested this week on domestic abuse charges. I know it may sound insensitive, but nothing makes me laugh more than the idea of this man abusing someone. I mean, if domestic abuse were to ever be funny, would it not be in this instance? I think yes. I think yes indeed.

Well, Dominican spring break is coming up, and it is my first one since school ended. Haley and some of her posse are heading on an enviable 24 hour drive to AZ to visit her brother. As much as 24 hours in a car sounds like not fun (and I know what the contingency of my readers who live in their cars and are otherwise homeless are thinking, "Try 168 hours a week in a car you pansyass.") , I wish I could go. Because it will be warm and sunny and fun. Oh well. That's life.