"Abraham Lincoln once said that 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North' and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace"

Ahhh....The Office. You must respect that show. Because you want to know why?

-It is funny.
-Dwight.
-Steve Carrell.
-Although a caricature, it offers many real office type shit

And of the funnier things about this show is the time my Dad was up here helping to move stuff in, and it was on and I asked him if he watched it, he replied "I prefer the British one." I never would have expected that sort of snooty reply from my father, the man who often has to feign being awake when watching television. And while it is true I have never seen the British version of the Office, I'll stick with the 'Merican one thanks.

For those of you familiar with the "rap" "artist" Sean Paul, I would like to encourage you to join in my legal battle encouragement. Mind you, I do not want to get into a legal battle, I merely want to encourage one by Disney versus the aforementiond Sean Paul. The reason being, and I for some reason did not realize this until I heard him say "banana" in a song, is that Sean Paul sounds nearly identical, both in form and function to the Rafiki character from the Lion King. The things he says make about as much sense and plus it would be hilarious to see this one play out in court. The voice of Rafiki, Michael Eisner, and Sean Paul all in one courtroom.

Rafiki: A hoop-de-anna, ripe banana
Sean Paul: DUN-DAY-AH. Ripe Banana. Annabella!
Michael Eisner: This is clearly a ploy by Mr.Paul to infringe on a character that we stole from stereotyping black people!
Sean Paul: Objection! JUST GIMME DA LIGHT!
Rafiki: (swings at Sean Paul with stick)
Judge Judy: I'm the boss applesauce! Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining!

As you can see it would be one funny ass trial.

Thinking back to the first blogoff, when Trevor and I debated nicknames, there are some even funnier actual names in the world of sports that I wanted to point out:

-Bum Ho Lee (baseball player representing Korea in WBC): I think I might move to Korea and help parents with the naming of their children when it comes to being represented in the anglofile world. For instance, a name like "Bum Ho", I might discourage. I also might discourage Korean people from getting drunk and discussing their dreams of being transgendered, but that is a whole different story for another day.

-Miroslav Satan- This is some hockey player guy (who unfortunately has his name pronounced SHA-tahn and also has unfortunately never played for the New Jersey Devils...imagine that headline Satan leads Devils to Victory...no shit) who has a really funny last name to see coming across the ESPN ticker. Satan, two goals, one assist, three added to purgatory.

This past weekend, one of our soon to be ex-housemate's friend's decided he was going to battle it up with: the washer, the wall, a door, and a wardrobe. (sidenote: trevor and I discussed having a blogoff about the following but ever since the last blogoff, I am slightly weary of how the appliances in the house would respond). First of all, who attacks inanimate objects? (Trevor also pointed out my losing battle versus a radiator one time when I was drunk) Secondly, why the washer? Now, for your pleasure and information, I will discuss the threatingness and friendliness of household appliances:

Washer- Although noisy, it never turns on by itself and generally provides only good to the user. It is not overly threatening, and a difficult apparatus on which to injure yourself.

Dryer- One of the more apathetic of household appliances. At times, it will do its job very well, and other slack off and end up taking forever. It is moody and slightly tempermental, so you should probably avoid fighting it.

Toaster Oven- Can cause burns on the body, burns on food, and can cause fires. If you were looking to beat up hardcore on an appliance, this would be a good one because you could totally manhandle it.

Hot Water Heater- Don't fuck around with ths behemoth. First of all, it does something that separates us from goddamn Little House on the Prairie days in that we no longer have to boil our water over a big fire. Secondly, it is huge and metal and involves heat. It is also scary as if daring you to fight it. No thank you.

Central Heater-Very threatening. No one quite understands how it works. And if you recall it nearly ate Kevin in Home Alone. This is like the Charles Manson of appliances.

Microwave- Tries to be inviting with functional buttons like: "Minute Plus", "Popcorn" and "Defrost", but fuck around with it and suddenly you'll have dangerous rays coming at you all the time as well as the wrath of a Hot Pocket that is bubbling over bu frozen in the middle.

Refrigerator- Inviting, warm light. If mistreated will vindictively freeze some of the liquids and solids near the back and cause things in the front to spoil. You better treat this gal right.

Also, although I am not on it yet, I thought of my first recurring SNL skit yesterday. It would be a short skit entitled "Frankenstein Tries to Fake Cry to earn Brownie Points with a Lady" Each week the announcer would fill us in as to what Frankenstein was trying to fake cry for that week such as, "Frankenstein this week will be fake crying due to the loss of a hamster from the girl he likes" Then we would see Frankenstein trying to act like he is crying to get some brownie points. The possibilities are endless. "This week Frankenstein has been asked to deliver the eulogy at Werewolf Man's funeral even though he didn't like him" or "This week Frankenstein tries to act moved by a song at the Dave Matthews concert even though he is stoned off his ass" But I don't want to divulge all of my secrets.

NCAA time. woo fucking hoo. Holla at me wit some comments.