Oooo that smell, can't you smell that smell?

Lord knows I can smell that smell. One of my coworkers has a penchant for dousing himself in stinky bathroom Lysol when he uses the facilities and it is all I can smell sometimes at work. I guess it is better than the alternative which is a stinky- ass bathroom.

The other day I was riding on the "El" and I saw an advertisement for a study at Northwestern University that lasted for 8-9 weeks...for people with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)....how the hell are they supposed to focus on something for 8-9 weeks? Aren't these the people who are distracted by shiny objects, bright colors and movement? I guess that is not my concern. I would have advertised for this study on a sheet of aluminum foil written on with neon paper....and it would have been for several 8-9 SECOND studies. Scientists. So smart, but so dumb at the same time.

MNF Food Review
After a strange series of events and twists and turns, axles, lutzes and triple toe loops, we once again convened for Monday Night Football at Christi's. This food review will be written from the point of view of a 108 year old man with dentures who lived through the Depression:

There was too much damn food there for all you youngsters. In my day we could have fed our enitre boarding house with that much food. And pizza? Those damn dago's always trying to force us to eat their food....and it could have helped if you had some damn applesauce or a bottle of Scotch....damn kids...can't you just get me a hooker to go with these "veggies" and "ranch dip"? what the hell is this crap anyways? In my day we were lucky if me and my 15 brothers and sisters shared a can of beans for dinner before we had to roam the streets looking for stray yarn and cats for food and clothing in no particular order....damn kids...

Also at MNF I thought to myself, "What if Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Bill Cowher wrote a Dear Ann/Abby sort of column? What if any number of people wrote this sort of column? What if I took off my pants right now? Would that be wrong? It is warm. I could go for a mento right now. The fruit ones."

So here are several excerpts from these Dear Ann/Dear Abby columns:

Dear Bill Cowher: I am landscaping my backyard and seem to have run slightly onto my neighbor's property...what should I do?

Bill Cowher: SHOVE IT DOWN THEIR FUCKING THROATS THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO! IS IT 4TH AND INCHES AND YOU'RE SCARED TO GO FOR IT? ARE YOU LANDSCAPING OR PLANITNG FUCKING FLOWERS? ARE YOU SCARED YOU LITTLE BITCH? THEN GET THE FUCK OFF MY FIELD! OH? WHAT'S THAT? YOU WANT TO GO FOR IT? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU FUCKING PANSYASS.

Dear Bill Cowher: I was thinking about asking my girlfriend to move in with me, but I was scared of what people will think, what should I do?

Bill Cowher: ARE YOU SCARED OF PRISON TOO? OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO LIKE MEN! YOU WOULD BE THE ONE GUY ON THE FIELD WHO WOULD LIKE PLAYING CENTER WITH THE QUARTERBACK REACHING UP UNDER YOUR ASS! LITTLE GIRLY MAN!

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Dear potentially gay, dance loving, six year old British school boy: What's a better gift? A year long subscription to a magazine or a newspaper?

Potentially gay, dance loving, six year old British school boy: My mum always tells me to stop looking at the underwear ads for men, but I do so enjoy to see how Baryshinikov may have kept himself in place. People magazine always has all the juicy gossip I love too...oh it is such a hard decision...harder than choosing whither you fancy Swan Lake or the Nutcracker more.

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Dear Robot 769543 at the Sony plant? How old is too old concerning a child sleeping in their parent's bed with them?

Robot 769543 at the Sony Plant:
01001101011000010110110001100110011101010110111001100011011101000110100101
1011110110111000100000011011010111010101110
0110111010000100000011000100111010101101001011011000110010000100000011
101000110010101101100011001010111011

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I cannot think of anything else to talk about now. I might post again later in the week since work is sort of slow this week. My friend Sarah comes back from London soon and that is really, really cool. Time to play some Wheel...of....Fortune