The title of this week's post comes from a Seinfeld episode. It amused me. I put it as a title.
I have a lot on my mind for this week's blog, so you, as the reader, can only hope that I am willing enough to type it all out, or else you will only get partial and incomplete thoughts as I am prone to write due to lack of development due to lack of enjoyment of typing due to bad typing skills due to lack of time playing "Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing" in grade school due to more enjoyment of such titles as "Number Munchers", "Odell Down Under" and "The Oregon Trail" due to a mind fascinated by shiny objects and crappy animation. That explanation was simple.
First of all, whenever there is a terrorist attack of some sort, Al Qaeda is always quick to claim that they did it. Not only are there attacks stupid and based in faulty logic and thought that I could never understand, but what kind of retards are these guys? Weren't they ever kids? Did they always claim they did everything just so they would get in trouble and keep everyone else out of it? Maybe they are just a bunch of sadists. Here is a grade school scenario:
Teacher: Whomever stole all the canned goods we had been collecting can just return them when the lights are off and we all have our heads down.
Al Qaeda child: I claim full responsibility and wish to be punished aptly, potentially by being hunted down by CIA operatives who are a little higher on the crazy scale than me.
This is when the kid did nothing. Maybe they are just trying to project rebel image to get some ass from the ladies. I will never know.
Next, onto the music portion of the blog. There is currently a hip-hop song by a group called D4 which is ecvidently all about one of the most whimsical candies, Laffy Taffy (a joke on every wrapper) being referenced as some part of a woman's body, as they are told to "shake their Laffy Taffy"....the song has ruined Laffy Taffy for me but at least it is a joke on that rapper...PUN! ZING!
My older sister, Eileen has suggested two great names for my future male progeny, Ace and Buck. I think they are great names and what follows is the transcript that the two of us exchanged in an e-mail:
Eileen R. writes: "you never commented about my second awesome name for your second awesome son: Ace. I mean, Buck and Ace are going to be the coolest, most-popular, most sought-after kids ever. I wish I could use the names, but I don't know what last names I'll be working with. Buck Radway, Ace Radway. Those are men."
I responded: "I do love the name Ace and I have already proclaimed that those will be my boys names. Buck will be a short, brawny lad and will love bench pressing, football, and wrestling with bears. Ace will be outwardly shy yet ultra smoove with the ladies and a skilled manipulator of situations. I do enjoy the names"
They are two badass names and I am glad my children will be blessed with them. Unlike these unfortunate children, whose names suck:
Ruben- all I can think of is a sandwich, or the obese American Idol winner. That is what people will think when you name your child Ruben.
Ashley (male)- Although there was a dude by this name in Gone with the Wind...who cares? Don't name your son anything that will make people think it is a girl. Especially when he is a baby and you are trying to dress him in trendy pink polos.
Edna, Mildred, Bertha, Agatha- These are all old people names, and your children will live their names appropriately as they apply for Medicare and join the AARP at the age of five. And no one will think a thing because they have old people names and thier date of birth MUST be a typo.
Candice-She will end up being called Candy and then end up stripping. Do you want your child to strip? If you answer yes, don't have any kids you sicko.
Jack and Coke Rating Scale
Even though I have an awesome girlfriend, I still have a rating scale for ladies which I must use when my male friends ask me about their prospective ladyfriends. My scale is based on the number of Jack and Cokes I would have to drink before I would make out with them. So a 1 is very good and a 20 means I would be dead before I would consider it.
For instance:
Jessica Alba -7 (I am a confident individual, but she is too hot to approach sober)
(Ok that was a bad example)
Roseanne Barr- 25
And that seems to be all I can come up with, but you get the idea. It is always funny to me when I use this scale that people always assume I am using the normal "1 to 10" ugly to hot scale.
Bryce: What do you think of her?
Tim: A solid 19.
Bryce: Dude, that girl was gross, how was she above a ten?
Tim: I die at 17 drinks man...die...and that's even after temporary blindness and loss of feeling at 14...so she would have to do some necrophilia shit if she wanted some of me.
That's all I've got. Leave comments please. Leave your own scales or rating the opposite sex. And regardless of what I said before, if there is anything that you want to hear my talk about, let me know.
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