And Twins

So, Halloween was this past Monday, and while they day itself was ok, the preceding weekend ended up being quite a letdown.

For the first time in five years, there was nothing really going down this weekend so my friends and I resolved to just go out. The problem was even this was disorganized and as I was feeling slightly under the weather by the time they were ready to go out (at 11:30 on Saturday night) I had little or no desire to go drink, in the rain, while wearing Batman costume at such an hour. I think sleeping turned out to be a good idea as it helped me get better and all I really missed was a typical Adam and Brian night where they got drunk, stripped down to their underwear, painted war markings on their faces with nail polish and terrorized a neighborhood. I've seen it done before.

When we all got together for Monday Night Football (on actual Halloween) it was rather humorous to see me in a Batman costume, Brian in his Robin costume, and Adam in his Spiderman costume sitting around. It felt like we were in a justice league meeting. Enough recap....time to get funny.

A Tribute
My girlfriend, Haley, just played her lost home volleyball match of her senior year and this is her last week of organized volleyball. From what I can tell, Haley is pretty good, but no one in D3 Woemn's Volleyball ever measured up to my true understanding of both the rules and skill levels of volleyball, from the ealy 1990's Nintendo game, Super Spike V'Ball. Allow me to illustrate:

Players on the court-
D3 Women's V-Ball- There were always six players on the court at a time, and sometimes they could not even reach balls that were hit inbounds.

Super Spike- Two rugged men per side, with range like the Andes....bitch.

Referees-
D3 Women's V-Ball- These were frequently overweight men/women who were balding and had an excessive zeal for the sport of volleyball.

Super Spike- A hot chick in a green visor and pink bikini top. Grrrrrrr.....

Level of Play-
D3 Women's V-Ball- Some players were able to hit the ball rather hard and I have witnessed some pretty good shots to the faces of opponents.

Super Spike- A spiker's hand would glow red and send the opposition flying into the stands when struck hard enough. I never saw this at one of Haley's games.

Good career though Haley.

Also, having been at numerous matches over the last couple of years, I have come up with a way to make matches quicker and more enjoyable. (For those uninformed, it is best of five games, with each game to 30 points. It usually takes a damn half hour per game).

1)At any match that I attend, I get to be the referee guy in the chair thingy.
2)The teams will line up prior to the match. I will judge them superficially based on several factors (hair, spandex, general attractiveness). I will then award 30 points to the team I like better. (That takes care of one game off the bat. This also eliminates the volleyball player that is my height ((6'4")) and looks like Chewbacca due to teams not being able to lose this easy aesthetics based game)
3) I also pick my "favorite" player on each team (based on the same factors as in Number 2, outlined above). Each team is awarded the same number of points as this player's jersey number.
4)Actual match play would then begin. Unlike in "archaic" scoring systems, in my system many points could be rewarded during each point as it played out. Here are some points that could be rewarded:
1 Point- Cool save
1 Point- Good block
1 Point- Good roll over thingy when diving for a ball
5 Points- Diving into the bleachers
10 points- Making an opponent's nose bleed
20 points- Cool Shot

5) As I do not really understand the "fouls" in volleyball (the things that are illegal and end a point) anything I deem not quite right, I would whistle the play dead by saying "Cheating" and pointing at whomever had done it. Maybe I could have a flashlight to point at them too.

These rules would really make the game of volleyball quicker and more fun...and more marketable in my opinion. But once again...good career Haley. I am glad it is over.

My dog, Wrigley, as a shutdown NFL Cornerback

I know, I know...more sports...bleh! But hey...it's my blog fuckheads.

My dog is a six month old beagle named Wrigley. She is very small and very very fast. She loves chasing people and can cover a great distance in a short amount of time. The other day it crossed my mind...

"Self, Wrigley would be awesome as an NFL cornerback...and also you are peeing on your shoe."

I quickly ceased peeing on my own shoe (I was in a bar, and I have since washed them) and thought about this some more.

For the non-football literate, a cornerback in football is someone on defense who covers the wide receivers (the guys trying to catch the balls). A typical fast cornerbak could run 40 meters in 4.4 seconds or so....I'd say Wrigley could do it in 4.0 even.

I know what the detractors are thinking:
Dogs can't play football!
Dogs don't even have hands!
I hate you!

Wrigley just needs a good trainer to teach her football. As for not having hands, she will be so all over anyone who dares to catch the ball from them trying to simultaneously lick their faces and jump onto their shoulders....hands are a non-issue. So, any able dog trainers out there...let me know when the lessons start, because last I checked NFL players make a lot of money, not to mention the endorsement deals a dog could get in the NFL.