Suck a cheetah's dick

Sometimes my life is a living Seinfeld episode. I am not sure which character I am, but sometimes things occur, and I just think...Seinfeld.

This past Friday such a moment occurred.

My boss, also named Tim, was getting married at 4 o'clock in the afternoon on Friday. I have known about this wedding for the last six months since Tim got engaged. He and I have a good working relationship (or so I thought) and have for the last two years that I have worked here. But, out of the nine people who work here, all but two of us were invited to the wedding. The other, not too altogether coincedentally, is my roommate and co-worker, Logan.

So the past couple of weeks at work everyone is talking about this wedding. Including my co-worker Matt (who has a self-importance issue) who continually get off the phone with a client and exclame, "______ is going to Tim's wedding too!!!".

So not only was I not invited but clients of our company were even invited. This was not too big of a deal to me. I had one client meeting at 10 'o clock Friday morning and then I got to go home because there was no one else at the office. But I still did return in the afternoon so that I could call friends who were at work and yell obscene things when I was at my office desk. It was fun.

Tim (on phone at empty office): "Hey Brian, you filthy little WHORE!"
Brian (also on phone but at non-empty office): "Hey Tim, geeze, would you keep it down? I'm at work...where are you anyways?"
Tim: "I'm at work too, you stupid MOTHERFUCKER!"

So, even though my feeling were a little hurt, I found the whole situation slightly amusing. That is, until today. Everyone at work has been talking about the wedding. AND THE MOST EGREGIOUS PART OF THE WHOLE SITUATION WAS WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT EVEN THE MAILMAN WAS INVITED. Wow. I already have aspirations to leave this job and this just makes the notion even more realistic. And good luck getting good work out of me for the next few months.

Some other things I hate:

Saran Wrap: Who the fuck thought of this stupid garbage? It doesn't cling to anything and it is overall just really dumb. I applaud those who can use this effectively while also questioning whether they practice some sort of black magic or have conspired with Beazlebub to have the ability to properly use this product. Sometimes, if all plastic containers with lids are gone, I will simply eat whatever I was going to store rather than try and use that goofy ass saran wrap shit.

Delirium Nocturnum: This is some crazy Belgian beer that I bought because it had a cool name and was in a cool bottle with a cool elephant on it. It tasted, in my rough estimation, like sewer water. And it costs like $6. And it made me angry and drunk after one bottle I believe. So actually it wasn't all that bad. Except for the possibly fatal taste.

I feel that earlier there were many things whirring around in my mind which I may have/not hated. Maybe I will write about them some other time.

I never have given credit to Martin Rollins, who encouraged me to start writing down stuff. I don't think this is at all what he expected and I hope he never sees this.