"I could bring home a gay retarded black man and my parents would just say, 'Proctor, you're gay and like retarded black people? No big deal.'"

I know, I know...I missed a post last week. It was probably only due to my new feud with more famous blogger, Jason Mulgrew (google him and then read it...it is some funny stuff). I began e-mailing him asking him to be my blog mentor and we have had several correspondences. Lately, as he has refused to be my mentor, but instead says he merely like to read my blog, I have begun threatening him.

Threat #1
I told him if I ever saw him I would battle rap him. Then I demonstrated my skills by rhyming Mulgrew with Taming of the Shrew. I think this quite nearly frightened him into mentoring me.

Threat #2
When I saw that early morning noise annoyed him, and armed with the knowledge that he lives in New York I told him that I have family in Brooklyn who I will tell to come and make early morning noise. He was far less amused with this. Who knows what Threat #3 will be.

MNF (Monday Night Football) Food Review (Every week I go to my friend Christi's where a gaggle of people gather to watch football. Well actually only the first half of the game and then we watch Ultimate Fighting. Or sometimes Laguna Beach depending on how effeminate we feel)

The food selection this week was a delight to the palette and tickled all five senses sensuously and crisply. The "Sloppy Joe's" had a refined taste that reminded me of Minsk, with a bold cedar undertone and delightful hint of crushed boysenberries. As the sloppiness of the joe's fell onto my pantaloons and juices seeped into my skin (dying it like a fine leather) I smelled the arrogant yet elegant aroma of this enchanting cuisine. The platters on which the food was placed were fine Old World- paper plate craftsmanship. The rods of pretzel were an absolutely perfect side dish.

So this past weekend I went home. It was a fun time. The quote by which this post was named was actually an utterance from famed humorist Eric Proctor, the funniest man alive. He said it when some girl was talking to him about how she liked a boy of mixed races and her family did not approve. Proctor, after saying the aforementioned quote, then began continually saying, "Barbara Boxer 2008!". Crazy man.