"Up until now, I was only 90% sure you were human"

The above is the ONLY funny quote ever to be uttered on the un-comedy Will & Grace. When I get home from work I don't really want to watch a non-stereotypical gay guy, (and to offset him) an over-the-top stereotypical gay guy, and their two annoying female friends engage in all sorts of chicanery that has no base in humor whatsoever. Somehow, the writers for this show accidentally wrote something funny and I am sure all appropriate measure are being taken by that cracker jack staff to ensure no humor is inserted in the future.

I've decided in the last week or so that I hate the Earth. Follow me on this one, if you so wish. Think of all the other planets in the solar system and all the cool things that they offer.

Mercury- Warm climate, rapid rotation, tiny.
Venus- Methane clouds. Enough said.
Mars- The Red Planet. Simply badass. Dust storms as well. It'd be like the Old West, except deadly.
Jupiter-This place is HUGE! Chinese people could even start having sex again if they wanted to. I would beat Donald Trump to building real estate on the Giant Red Ring.
Saturn- The rings are so cool, and I bet some lots of extreme athletes would try and do things on them, and in the process, die, which would be cool (so then I could host the Gauntlet on MTV)
Uranus-This one would be good only if you lived here and some other people still lived here on Earth. All non planetary communication would have to be marked "__________ from Uranus" (and don't pronous it YUR-a-nis)
Neptune & Pluto- Icy balls. (I always wanted to see that in writing, but now that I do, I am slightly let down)

Oh sure you say, "No other planet is sutiable for humans" "They all have dangerous disaster type shit going on" "Is that baby in the Quizno's commercial really talking?" "Why are Magic 8 Balls always right?"

To retort:
It does not really seem Earth is all that suitable for humans. Of course Earth is like a clean house, and humans are like the attendees of a huge party at that house...we just fuck it up like it's our job (which I must say, hell yeah).

Earth has dangerous disaster shit going on at all hours of the day. Tsunamis/earthquakes/hurricanes/tornadoes/floods/fires/mudslides/obese people at buffets/Will & Grace/sinkholes/typhoons/white squalls/The movie "Waiting"
How could any other planet be much worse? At the very least it would be something different. And fun. And hopefully get some extreme people killed.

I think my choice would have to be Uranus just for the enjoyable correspondance sent to my friends on other planets.

I do have reason to believe, however, that some of our intergalactic friends have already joined us on this planet, and most of them play basketball. So here they are, the All Alien Basketball Team:


C- Shelden Williams, Duke





PF-Tayshaun Prince, Detroit Pistons

PG- Rajon Rondo, UK



Alright, so the whole alien team only has three members, but they are extraterrestrials, so I am sure they could put together a game against some normal humans.



That's it. What the fuck did you want from me anyway.