While several grand ideas have passed through my mind this past week, such as “Commit a crime, go to prison, then you can lift weights and read books…you will be so strong and well read by the time you leave.” Then I remember all the butt sex and think that might be a bad idea, not to mention the criminal record. Additionally I have wondered about breaking into the world of infomercials. Ron Popeil is getting pretty old and someone new will need to spray fake hair on their head, show how to work a steamer or rotisserie machine, all the while excitedly slashing the price of what I was selling and throwing in a set knives (sorry no COD’S). But then I did a google search on how to become an infomercial dude, and nothing came up. Sad story but true. And it might be due in part to my somewhat faulty google searching technique. Not only that, but Paul was looking at all my past Google searches yesterday, and I have now realized I really search for some varying subjects.
Here are some of these totally wacky searches, and potentially I can provide some insight as to why I searched for these things…if I can’t provide that insight, maybe someone else can…like a highly trained psychologist.
“1993 Rockies Roster”
This seems simple enough, I for some reason wanted to know who was on the first Colorado Rockies team. I cannot remember all these things off the top of my head…I was in 4th grade at the time and all I could remember were Dante Bichette and Charlie Hayes being on that team…which is weird because I still cannot remember anyone else right now. Did they even have any pitchers?
“Animals that start with M”
This might go along with a later search I saw for “best scattergories answers”. What is very odd about this is the fact that this search was probably done while I was out in LA, and I can assure you I at no point played any Scattergories while out there. (I am not sure why I have to offer assurance as if I am claiming that I did not do meth while I was there). But, it is not a totally shabby idea to look for good Scattergories answers ahead of time…any advantage for victory helps.
“Get on a game show”
Simple, I want to get on a game show. Pretty much anyone…well Jeopardy would be ideal, but they seem to be frightened of the amount of money I could win, and are hoping I will go on a lesser game show, like any hosted by Chuck Woolery (still alive?)
“Liquor Stores by Barrington and San Vicente”
Ahhh yes, the era of my LA adventure when I did not have a car for a few weeks. I was probably being held at gunpoint by some alcohol fiend who wanted to know where to get liquor near my apartment…I was definitely not in need of such libations for myself, as drinking by yourself at home is wrong. Wrong like a fox.
“Superman Peeing”
Well, at my apartment in LA, I also had my own bathroom, and I was looking for a fine decorative piece to put up in the bathroom. I recall from my youth some friends of my parents who had an artistic rendition of Superman peeing very forcefully and breaking a toilet…I wanted one of those. I would like to think that people should be able to come into my living area when I am not there and get a general feel for who I am (save the situation right now with my mattress on the floor of a basement). A peeing Superman would do just that.
“Uses of the Semi Colon”
FRIDAY. NIGHT. FUN.
“Words like virus”
This was probably later on the same Friday night. Sad thing is, this might be true. And the even sadder thing is, I may have taken a trek to a liquor store before this (see aforementioned Google search) and this was all I was doing on a Friday evening. Who will ever know the truth?
On a more somber note, I would like everyone to Goulet their favorite rap song in honor of the recent passing of one of my personal favorites, Robert Goulet. Alright…so I really liked him because of Will Ferrells impersonation of him, but obviously without such a man actually existing, Will Ferrell is not acting like a gaudy caricature of him. (Once again, I am not so sure it was that over the top…Robert Goulet was a wild man). But anywho, be sure to Goulet some of your favorite rap, it’s what Robert would have wanted (No, what he really would have wanted is to be still alive I guess). As his SNL self said in his skit “Not by some dubious ruffian without the chops, but by a professionally trained voice man.”
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