Monday, November 12, 2007

I’m Not Doing Anything Tonite…Because I Don’t Work at a Bowling Alley

As anyone who knows me can attest, there are some things that bother me and no, I can really not offer any sane sounding explanation as to why these things bug me because god knows I do enough annoying shit myself (red clouding, snoring, correcting others when they are wrong, being stubborn, smelling great and looking better than you, etc.). But one of the things that has begun to bother me more than anything is the spelling of the word tonight as tonite. If you are a person capable of counting, you can easily note that the second spelling has only one less letter than the correct spelling. Additionally, I believe unless you are the owner or employee (or former employee, so Brian and Paul are good on this one) of a bowling alley, there does not seem to be any reason for people to be using this word. It just makes me feel so cheap and dirty, as if people are wondering if I am going to clean up the Cheeto debris in my trailer and get out my finest mugs to pour malt beverages in that night with them. Some casual excuses I have heard are from those who like to text message, saying that it is somehow easier to spell, but it can’t be any less than a few pushes of a button. Because unless my stubborn side really needs to be full exposure and people want me to seemingly make up my own entire language of uglyfied words (and I don’t mean the typical made up words I use in an attempt to sound smarter) tonite needs to stop…tonight. HAHA. Witty. But I guess if bowling were somehow involved in YOUR plans for the evening, you can just ask me what I am doing that night. And if spelling is really just not your forte, then syugvbcui su. I think you will have known what that meant.

The other day I was reading an article about questions that are increasing in popularity during the job interview process. Two of them that really befuddle me are as follows:

1)What is your biggest accomplishment?
2) Who are your heroes?

The thing about the accomplishment question is, I am not really sure anything IS my biggest accomplishment thus far. I mean, I am sure graduating from college would be the easiest answer, but college was just sort of what I was supposed to do after high school, no questions asked. And if the interviewer came back with a question about if I was the first in my family to graduate or something, I would have to tell them no, and yet still somehow make it seem like it was so big awesome accomplishment that I was really proud of. On the other hand, who would want to hear about me being so proud of completing a nine and nine (a beer and a hot dog every inning of a baseball game)? I mean, it is a proud distinction of mine, but I am not sure how the rest of the world would perceive this. What else have I really done? I’ve come up with some funny nicknames and said some funny things on occasion as well as one year coming in first in both a fantasy football AND basketball league, but again, I am sure this is not the caliber of answer for which people would be looking. Obviously I need to save puppies/babies/senior citizens from a fire…all while having a broken leg. I guess I could refer to this very blog as some sort of great accomplishment but I used some curse words once and stuff…so no.

Once again, I am obviously lacking in solid answers for the heroes question. I am not sure anyone looking to hire me based on a answer of “ninjas and James Polk”. I mean, ninjas are frickin awesome and James Polk is only a hero because I feel he was way underrated as a President, but it’s not like I really look up to these people. Wouldn’t they want to hear some answer more like “My grandfather, who saved a bunch of puppies/babies/ and senior citizens from a fire and also invented the lightbulb and telephone…and the computer.” So, if you want to be my hero (Enrique Iglesias?...was your song for me) just start doing some sort of heroic stuff that I would find awesome then I can mention this hero…then again I have never really considered any sort of epic hero or anything like that. Oh well.

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