Everyone loves a little Ozzy Osbourne. Except radical fundamentalist Christians, people who inexplicably listen to only country music, people who do not speak English, animal rights groups, people who have been pooed or peed on by the Ozzman himself (unless they are into that), people who earn their livelihood working for another death metal/rock artist, and people who are not fans of Satan or cursing. Like I said, everyone.
The reason I bring this up is that if a man who has bitten the head off a dove, has a nickname like "The Prince of Darkness", has been to rehab umpteen times, and speaks in a incomprehendable voice, can become popular by way of MTV reality programming, I only imagine what such an opportunity could do for myself and my friends.
-None of us have been to rehab (yet)
-None of us have eaten any living creatures (I did swallow a tiny plastic ninja once)
-None of us have Satanic nicknames
-Aside from the occasional drunken slurred speech, we speak audibly and clearly.
Our antics are most certainly reality TV worthy, and I could assure MTV execs would only become better if being entertaining and having fun were our sole foci. For instance, I will mention some of the things that happened last Saturday to Paul and me:
-Went to a party where we knew no one
-Got into a pushup contest in front of the Cubby Bear with a man who played semi-pro basketball in Turkey, thus infuriating him
-Were asked later at the party "if we knew, like, everyone" (the power of nicknames, high fives, and good communication skills with strangers)
-Got kicked out of Taco Bell
All of these things happened sans camera crew, and without the additional push of being paid to be entertaining. Make it happen MTV.
The other day I happened to be on a channel that was showing the weather forecast for this upcoming weekend and as they showed angry, menacing dark clouds with jagged yellow lightning bolts coming out of them, I was immediately filled with distaste for this prediction and changed the channel, acting as if changing the channel would, in fact, affect the outcome of the weather this weekend.
I only wish that this were possible. Imagine the effects: Your favorite team loses a game? Change the channel before the highlight clip is over. The result is bound to be different. So, everyone can thank me for the sunny beauty we are sure to see this weekend.
The other day when I was riding downtown, I was sitting next to a particularly chatty child who was talking to his Mom about his evident prowess in well, everything. The child had to be no more than four years old, and sometimes I wish that word and number understanding, even for adults, would never surpass the logic of a four year old child. Allow me to explain:
-At one point he turned to his Mom, sighing, and said, "We have been riding this train for ten thousand billion minutes. I can run like 700 times faster than this train."
Thus proving that the fictional number of "ten thousand billion" is probably less than "700".
I magine being at work and your boss asks you how long you have been there already that day and you could respond "eight hundred trillion fafillion days"...there's no way he is then not sending you home early.
Another helpful facet of this would be that my accounting job would be totally moot. Jibberish numbers=Very little reason to try and analyze said numbers. Especially when guesstimation and approximation came into play.
Kids are funny, and one could be on our reality show.
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