Blah Blah Blah....

Some reasons why you should not:

1) Be a sportswriter/caster and give in to using the same stupid cliches as everyone else.
For example, the phrase "drink the kool-aid" that is being used in sports that has been mentioned in this space many times for its sheer oddity/stupidity/general all around weirdness, I have discovered a new phrase that baseball writers have been using to describe pitchers..."bulldogs", as in, "I love Roy Oswalt, he is a real bulldog on the mound."

Let's see what wikipedia says about bulldogs:

"The temperament of the English Bulldog is generally docile, friendly and gregarious..."

"The bulldog is a relatively small but stocky breed, with a compact body and short, sturdy limbs. Its shape results in a waddle-like gait..."

So, what exactly are they saying about these pitchers? Why not just call them "poodles on the mound"?

So, why should you not stick to using these phrases if you are in sports?

a) You begin to sound just like every other idiot using the same phrase. If something like comparing basketball players to classic ballet acts became popular, would everyone do it?
b) At the very least, find a fierce dog to compare your MLB pitchers to, say, a rottweiler. Also find a non cult related non mass suicide to indicate uncertainty about a players future.
c)You just sound dumb. Seriously, I get mad when I read these silly analogies.

2) Tell your Chicago area friends who are Cubs fans you are going to a Sox game/Sit in the same sun exposure within four days:

a)In Chicago people seem to think that the Cubs and Sox are bitter rivals. Funny, because I always thought that the Cubs rivals were the Cardinals and the Sox had their own rivals in the...ummm...someone. The Cubs and Sox began playing 6 (out of 162) games a year 11 years ago...that is not a rivalry. If someone were to call you up and offer the following options:

"Stay at work, indoors, and sober" OR "Sit outside in beautiful weather, drinking beer, watching sports" what is the choice 100% of the time?

My slightly dumb friend Mike said going to a Sox game as a Cubs fan would be akin to a Bears fan cheering for the Packers...once again...they are actual rivals who hate each other and are in the same division.

b)Bryce has recently aquired centerfield season tix for the Sox and due to the exposure it gets during day games, the left side of my neck and face look as if I have been in a tropical locale. So you should try and vary this kind of stuff up to end up with far less of an odd look.

3) Tell people you are moving away: (I mean obviously you should tell people about this, but I have some reasons why not too)

a) People will invariably question your sanity when you tell them of your lack of future planning. Having your sanity questioned gets a little lame after a while.

b) People will invariably then whine about you leaving. While touching, I have to continually explain I am not dying, merely moving away for a little while. I am not going to abandon you like your Dad did when you were three.

c) Everyone then wants to hang out with you a lot more. Not like you have been around for the last six years and had nothing to do plenty of times.

4) Ever eat a burrito place where the name translates to "Good Day Burritos":

a)The next day will not be a good day....for your digestive system.