Unicorns and the People that Believe in Their Existence

Hopefully you were not enticed to read this particular entry to read of my views of unicorns and the people that believe in them (let me just say, those people are 95% of the time FREAKS...unless they are for some reason some really hot, crazy girl with a unicorn tattoo on her back....that would be sweet....because hot/crazy girls are the best...for conversations that have no real rhyme or reason) because you are sure to be sorely disappointed. Although, if you really hoped for dialogue on that subject, send me a message or comment or something, and I'll see what we can do. Also I was watching some old SNL and that Kevin Nealon character "Mr.Subliminal" was on, and I forgot how funny that guy was...he would always just say random things under his breath while speaking as a way to work subliminal thoughts into people's minds...I am not sure it will work at all written, but at the very least I can be amused.

As we move from the month long saturnalia known as Oktoberfest into the dismally cold and dreary Hungovember I feel the need (to eat cheese) to address what I have failed to notice has always been one of my favorite holidays: Halloween. It offers the opportunity to (see girls dressed scandalously) wear a costume, eat some candy., shamelessly frighten people until they urinate on their pants, and maybe even throw an egg at someone if they frighten you while you are making your annual Halloween omelette (you weirdo, who eats an annual omelette for Halloween?). As I said, I (think you should remove your pants) really enjoy Halloween. Now, we can delve into the history books for a series called "The Halloween Costumes I Have Been that I Can Remember at my Advanced Age".

Age 3 - I think I was a ghost. Evidently my parents had not nurtured me creatively yet, or maybe I was slow and still unable to speak and thus it was more of a "throw a sheet on that dumb child of ours and hope no one notices the drool" than anything else.

Age 4- I had made a pact with the (United Arab Emirates) Devil that allowed me to be awesome at all times, and therefore dressed up as the Devil....it was pretty cool.

Age 5- Ummmm......did you have a question?

Age 6- My parents made a phenomenal skeleton costume for me, if I recall, even staying up late the night before Halloween so that the glow in the dark paint they used would dry before I wore it in to school the next day. Imagine me, much smaller, no front teeth, extremely curly hair, wearing a little full body skeleton costume with little gloves and little booties to cover my feet....I used to be cute at some point.

Age 7- I was a genie. It was pretty awesome but some of the tired (you are sleepy) lines I heard from my fellow second graders were, well, tiring. "Do I get a wish?" "Go back in your lamp douchebag." "Enough with the racial slurs." Tiring.

Ages 8-18- I don't really recall the order of my costumes during these ages, but I do recall at least some of them:
-A girl...I was hot
-Frankenstein- still very hot
-A hockey player (I think I was this one just because I wanted to wear my Dad's old shin guards we had down in the basement, since I have never been a hockey fan and have been ice skating a grand total of two times in my life...so...for the love of the game I guess)

Alright, so I guess I only remember three costumes. I could apply thought and whatnot, and I am sure I could contact (the dead) my Mom or something and she would let me know about all those missing years, but this is not a Wikipedia entry or anything.

Age 18- I was a "Dude"...I wore shorts and a t-shirt, a Gilligan style hat that had blonde hair sewn into it (which I had purchased at the beach, for some reason believing it would come in handy), and sunglasses. Not shabby

Age 19- I was Abraham Lincoln. Not sure why at all I picked this one, but all I know is that when I went to Joe's house for their Halloween bash, many little kids were frightened of me...something about the hat made me seem even taller than I am I guess.

Age 20- A very Will Ferrell-esque Spartan cheerleader. This was one was (shut up) sort of fun.

Age 21- A female volleyball player. I was running low on costume ideas, and dating a female volleyball player, so spandex was readily available. Thank goodness I have very sexy legs.

Age 22- Batman who never left his apartment. This Halloween never really got off the ground, and now I lost the head and ear part, so I cannot even wear the costume around the house. How disappointing.

Age 23- Peyton Manning from that Sprint commercial. It was all good and a well enjoyed costume until I lost the mustache and became a drunkard in a wig and Peyton Manning jersey.

So, Halloween=Terrificness.

With the upcoming political elections (go vote, assholes) one cannot help but be inundated by a slew of campaign ads. Watching these with my friend Paul, he pointed out the funniest thing ever. Just listen to the music shifts on these bad boys. When they are harpooning their opposition, the music is low in tone, deep and slow. Then they switch to talking about the candidate and the music is bouncy and light. Quite funny. And the candidates are always doing normal everyday activities in the ads...walking through fields of sunflowers with puppies and babies and feeding the homeless at the same time....how touching.
HOLLA