I hate the way you smell after you take a tomato juice bath

Shut the hell up. Seriously just sometimes it is better to just shut the hell up. I am referring, of course, (that of course makes no sense whatsoever, because it implies some sort of logical segue I am going to make, when I have established no precedent for one....this is what is going on in my head whenever I write something....and now, you, the reader, ((or I should just say Mom since she is my most loyal follower)) are thinking the logical segue might have to do with the voice in my head shutting up....and now that thought has crossed my mind too, but no) the numerous taunting phone calls I received after the University of Louisville football team had its national title hopes dashed last night at the hands of Rutgers. This taunting is dumb and silly. Think about it: 1)you know I am not going to be happy c)you know I love Louisville sports #$%)I am like a hornet's nest at times, and especially when drinking and my team lost. So don't do this. Sure, I want a double standard here, and still wish to be at liberty to call you when your team has suffered an awful defeat, so let us just respect that.

The suburbs of Chicago hate children. There is no way to put a positive spin on that. Let me explain (even though I think this paragraph would be more effective if I offered no explanation): One of my favorite memories of being a child, three years ago, would be when my Dad had raked all the mold-infested, slimy, wet leaves that had fallen off the trees in our rustic Kentucky backyard farm (hahaha lying) and we children would then run and jump in the pile, and using or homemade shivs we had produced earlier with Grandma, then try and violently stab one another. So much laughter, blood, and screams. Just kidding, we just used to jump in the leaves, I was trying to sensationalize things a little bit.

Getting back to the point of children and hate mongering in the Chicago suburbs, the people here all rake their leaves into the streets. Which makes it stupid for driving, and dangerous and nearly unthinkable for children to play in these piles. I, personally always used to love hiding completely in the leaves, pretending it was my personal dead-moldy leaf sandy beach. Which is weird because I hate sand. But if a kid hides in the leaves here, they will be run over by a car, driven by me.

What an election we just had. I love election time. And due to my special story fabrication abilities, and previous political experience (student council president in 8th grade, student senator freshmen year in college ((where I got the ping pong table I promised))) I am throwing my name in the ring for the next round of House elections...in six years. Damnit.