"Right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train"

The Chicago Cubs have hit the offseason with a boom, making such huge free agent signings as Alfonso Soriano, a man who, even though his actual birth certificate will reveal him to be currently 56 years old soon, is the top player available. This gives me confidence that Cubs general manager Jim Hendry might have finally collected if not all, at least a portion of his marbles, and might make some more logical moves before the season. So that Mr. Hendry does not have to focus on all aspects of baseball operations and acquisitions, I have some non player related suggestions to help him out:

1) I think, even with the classical feel of Wrigley Field and the Cubs, we need a mascot. So either just go ahead and appoint Ronnie Woo-Woo full time or acquire some sort of actual bear. Yes, I think this would put some bite into the team if we had a however the hell much they weigh Kodiak bear snarling somewhere by the opposing bullpen. Maybe even feed it live prey during the 7th inning stretch.

2)While Cubs fans have at times had decent heckling abilities (like the time the Dodgers bullpen got into a fight with the surrounding fans), we need to lure some of the top hecklers away from their teams. Like Spike Lee, would you like to be a Cubs fan? Sure you might taunt Albert Pujols and cause him to hit 5 homers in one game, but the long term effects ought to be better than that. (Also the Cubs should sign Ron Artest for the grounds crew or something...he would be great to have around in an on field brawl)

3)From time to time, the Cubs offer silly little promotions, like a free chance to win a jersey to the first 10,000 fans. Decent, yes, but how about some crazy stuff to really get people there early and spending money. Like, "First 5,000 fans Get Entered for a Chance to Pitch the 8th Day"...with all this offensive pop we could handle it. or " Chance to Win a Date with a Player's Wife of Your Choosing Day" I'd be all about that.

So, up until this past Sunday I had a growth of facial hair on my face for the last three weeks, and it was coming along pretty nicely but I must say that I felt rather grizzly and may have in fact been becoming quiter in the mornings like some sort of lumberjack, and I was also growing increasingly aware of the chance to lose things and get things stuck in this hair growth. So then I shaved and was then accused of looking very young. Facial hair does not promote a 12-15 year swing in appearance I don't think. Am I wrong on this? Does long hair make people look older? Not really. Or the worst one I get sometimes from clients trying to guess my age, is that they thought I was older because of my height. Goofballs. It is always funny when they give me a little bag of candy around Halloween and tell me to take it home to my "wife and kids". If by that they mean Paul and Logan for the two of them to eat when they get drunk, then that is what I do.

Good day.