This is a fantasy. Vehicles cannot drive on buildings.

All too much lately the auto industry has been spewing visual crap in my direction. Their commercials are getting more and more ridiculous, and not in the sense that would make me want to run out and purchase their automobile. Prior to the past six months, there was a certain formula for a car commercial; someone driving the car very fast and making rapid turns (and throw down at the bottom in tiny print "Professional Driver on a Closed Course") only to reveal at the end of the ad that it was merely a middle class Mom on her way home from the grocery store. For some reason recently, the auto industry has decided that this was not selling enough cars (as a side rant, people generally feel a NEED for cars, and will do their own research into what they want and like. never would someone see an auto dealer and say something like, "What, Ford makes cars? Why did they not advertise so I might have known this before I purchased my Kia?") and every company hired a team of peyote and meth fueled think tanks to invent new advertisements that would better market the product. Let me highlight a few of my least favorite:

1)Some sort of large new Ford vehicle is driving around on the side of buildings. That is from where the title this week was derived, and I must admit, the first time I read, "This is a fantasy. Vehicles cannot drive on buildings." I had to have a little chuckle. But, I was not in anyway compelled to remember the name of this car nor to run out and trade in my car for this one. Now, on the other hand had they actually made a car with side of the building driving abilities...now we are talking.

2)There is yet another large vehicle, maybe made by Nissan? Anyways it is dropped off a crane, is so tough and heavy that it falls all the way through the center of the Earth, which is evidently inhabited by some sort of strange race I think was last seen on the Fraggles, and the vehicle ends up in China. Thanks Nissan, but after Lexington Road in Louisville caved in a few years ago, I don't want a vehicle that could fall all the way through the Earth.

3)Kia has an ad out where some of their "salesmen" are singing that "So Long, Farewell" song from the Sound of Music. Logically they are singing bye to cars and not bidding farewell to the Austrian and Nazi dinner guests at their home. This is a ridiculous concept and as several of my friends have mentioned, "If I walked into an auto dealer and they were standing around singing like that...I would be out like a fat kid in dodgeball." There is some valid truthiness to that statement.

4)Some other large Nissan vehicle, driving to the beginning of the song Ironman through some abandoned warehouse filled with odd piles of dirt. The text on the screen then reads something like "In the old days a man would break his leg"....."And only be out for one play" I am calling your bluff Nissan..maybe in the old days men would not have pansy injuries like turf toe or pulled hamstrings...but broken legs will sideline anyone.

Social networking website myspace, through some sponsership from some film, now allows users to post up to 300 pictures. The day anyone I know has this many pictures on their page is the day I am done with myspace. I said it, and I will do it.

So, my motto sort of thing for 2007 is something like "Don't just talk about it, be about it." You know, don't just talk about doing stuff, do stuff. You want to go skydiving? Pick up the phone and schedule it. You want to go buy something you've had your eye on? Go buy it. Do stuff. Make shit happen. I know it is not a big deal, but I had been talking about buying a couple new rugs for the casa, so the other day, I just went and did it. No more talk. Just action. So I have also decided to make some stuff happen with my life. In some sort of order here are the plans for 2007:

1)After January, look for a new job, if the new job kicks it hardcore, the law school thing can sit back a bit...who knows maybe even at night with tuition reimbursement from the company?

2) Study for the LSAT, take the LSAT in June. Apply to a few law schools in the Chicago area, as well as the University of Louisville. If I suck too much to get good scholarships to schools up here, I will move home to reestablish residency and go to law school there (unless my parents charge as much rent as I pay here, which would make my idea of living at home for less moot). I am leery of this idea because I would basically become a stranger to my Chicago friends. Even if they say I wouldn't. Ask Dave Prak about how this works.

So that is the plan. If anything I am trying to make something happen. Even though I get the idea that being a lawyer even would not be the best cutout for me. I need to be a homeless predicter of the future at a bus stop or something. My wit would be best used then. If anything the crazy path I am setting out on now will make my E! True Hollywood Story very intriguing..."Tim after working at an accounting firm for three years, set out and obtained a law degree...it was not until after that when he became one of the biggest stars...and saddest tales that SNL has ever seen....on tonight's E! True Hollywood Story"

I finally was able to get my iPod shuffle up and fully functional and after a couple weeks of usage, although it may be early and rather presumptive...I am in love with this device. It holds mucho songs, charges by way of my computer, the sound quality is great, and even though while running I could still hear the music, I have been convinced at least three times that the tiny device had been lost. Good work iPod.

And now, an excerpt from that book I have been working on (which I am going to finish in 2007 even if it means my untimely death)

"This is when all the chicanery of having two children very close in age to one another finally began to show itself. We used to play tricks on our parents, elaborate schemes boiled up with the help of the neighborhood homeless and the local fireworks distributors. Ahhhh…. those were the days. Our parents, being new at the whole parenting thing, were unsure how to punish us, and were so lax, we would often commit petty misdemeanors and receive as punishment something as light as not receiving every gift we wanted for Arbor Day (yes my family was really big on Arbor Day. We would gather around the chainsaw in the living room ((I meant extremely Anti Arbor Day…we fuckin hate trees, son)) and hand out our gifts that were brought by Ashy, the forest burning not well put out cigarette mascot of ours…you always had a long list of stuff you wanted and most of the time would get it, unless of course, you were being punished) which would always seem like a big deal at the time, and we would throw our fits and proclaim that we “loved trees” and “the Earth”…only to cause our parents to warn us that Ashy would hear us and never bring gifts again. And of course we were not idiots, we would logically cry until our parents rescinded their comments and showered us with more gifts and affection."

HOLLA