Well foos, since I last "blogged" at ya, I had the precautionary x-ray for my stomach area. But I haven't heard anything back so I guess I am not dying after all. Whew. Although the whole x-ray process left me a little weary and I think I might be dying of something else entirely- radiation poisoning....both the x-ray technician and the doctor wore these special leaded suits and I had to wear a fucking gown....and then they made me drink all this shitty ass barium and eat some tiny crystals....there is probably some observation room of all the other hospital workers on break laughing and saying things like, "Can you believe they will drink that old toilet water just because a doctor told them to?....HAHAHAHA" and "People don't normally take LSD so easily but a doctor tells them to and....oh man! That guy just said he had to go to work after this! HAHAHAHA."
Christmas was good but the weekend flew by.
I decided tonight while watching a video game commercial that a new genre of video games should be invented...minimal gaming. I am not talking about The Onion article that mentioned a new game from the makers of Grand Theft Auto where your sorted boxes, but rather a game which takes all current games and lets you choose a pansy-ass role where you do nothing...at the very least it would prepare today's youth for their first jobs.....for instance:
In the James Bond series of games, you control James Bond and run around and kill countless hundreds of faceless bad guys.
In MINIMAL James Bond land you would choose one bad guy who stands somewhere in some particular level and wait for James Bond to appear...so you could literally be "playing" this game for many hours without jack shit to do...and then Bond could show up and you could get popped like nothing.
In the EA Sports family of games, you control enitre teams of players and try and defeat the computer or a human opponent in different sporting events.
In MINIMAL EA Sports games, you could be a fan in the crowd, a referee, umpire or soft drink vendor. The less to do, the better.
I really think this idea could sell. This is why I will someday be a marketing guru (Motto: "Marketing actual feces to your children")
As New Year's Eve fast approaches, many of you are asking, "Tim, what should we do for a toast?" and "Tim, where did you get those pants?" and "Tim, why are you a better man than me?" other such New Year's related questions.
To answer your questions in no particular order:
The moon
The moon
A New Year's Eve toast should alienate at least three people you are with, or lead everyone you are with to believe they are a part of an elaborate Ashton Kutcher/Alan Funt hidden camera trick. For example:
"As we enter this new year, everyone raise your glass and drink if you don't have at least six STD's" (After everyone drinks (since no one wants to own up to this) randomly then say three people's names and something like "and BLAH, BLAH, and BLAH are liars" (then pause for laughter) then say, "No, I'm serious, those guys have been around more than the first merry go round" (pause for laughter again, then put in video you borrowed from the library about the perils of STD's and make everyone watch)
or
"To all of my friends and family who have used the restroom tonight...you just got PUNKD!!! And also, the drinks have all been non-alcoholic so (fill in blank), you can stop acting like that."
If you wanted anymore ideas for New Year's Eve toasts, be sure to let me know. I can think one up for you specifically and even personalize it with names.
Next time I am going to write about the best song of all time. And hopefully for you, me and Trevor start another blogoff. Tim out.
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