$ Texas

I just wagered the state of Texas.

I think people should put more of a gift of a magi spin on stolen goods. Or go the polar opposite and act like liam neeson in taken no matter how minute the iterm.

A few months ago, a most egregious act occurred at my apartment unit, one entirely shocking given the fact that the last remaining Cabrini Green tower looms in the distance. Or wait, no, it was not shocking in the least, but it still happened.

My girlfriend had her bike stolen off of our balcony.

This, my reader (note the singular...I am trying to make you feel unique, even though you are about as ubiquitous as a Starbucks to me. Trust me, I write this to make myself giggle, not you), is no small feat, given the fact that our balcony bottom ledge is probably ten feet off the ground. So for one to pull themself up, and toss down a bike without getting caught is semi awesome. (Also semi frightening when I think about these bike thieves sitting around my home, eating my peanut butter) I assume it might have been a team of acrobats.

Regardless I have decided something. There in the future should only be two ways to handle such a crime, neither of which involves contacting the authorities.

1. If an item, no matter what the value, has been stolen from you, put a Gift of the Magi spin on it. For those not familiar with the tale, go look up the Wikipedia entry. I am not your English teacher, and whomever they were obviously did a shit job teaching you.

Now that you have looked it up, you understand what I am talking about. If you still have not looked it up, it is probably because you don't know how to read, and have merely printed out this blog entry and are using it like a word search (which, I must admit would be a fun illiteracy related activity. No word can be wrong, because you don't know any).

Anyways, if an item has been stolen from you, just pretend someone did it to get someone else some sentimentally awesome ass gift, not merely to peddle your bike around and sell drugs.

Option 2 is to react like Liam Neeson in the film "Taken". Like this guy on the following link:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/26/the-funniest-notes-left-f_n_659338.html#s118930

So, two options. Like them and use them. Or else I'm going to start stealing your shit.