In one of my favorite 50 cent songs (I never really understood his name. Salmon P. Chase Bill would have been a much better name, and a way higher monetary value., I mean come on half dollar...$10,000 bill is ballin out of control), the chorus is, "if i cant do it, it cant be done." I however, am not such a braggy type (ok yes I am, that's why it's one of my favorite 50 songs. It's like he's talking to me directly, or rather sharing some sort of beautiful dialogue). 50 has obviously never been in a job interview where they ask him about his weaknesses. The thing about weaknesses is they must be embraced. I'd rather do stuff I have mad skillz at doing better than everyone else then to do shit at which I suck and be mocked accordingly. Therefore, here are my personal go to weaknesses at job interviews:
Building things - the last furniture I built was an Ikea dresser. I ended the process wondering why they had provided several extra wood piece and some extra screws. Needless to say, this dresser has not stood the test of time too well. Or even stood at all too well at any point in time.
Eating eggplant - Shit's gross man. I can't even fake it being edible even with being a 27 year old grown ass man.
Fitting into small quarters- I used to be able to fit into some cabinets in the house where my Mom grew up. I tried this a couple years ago and could barely fit my upper half in. Now mind you when I say "used to be able to" I was maybe 3 at a time, and have grown at least a foot and ten pounds since then. At least I have avoided the curse of my Father who hits his head on shit all the time.
Wearing short pants without being made fun of- I have to wear a 36 inseam, which means special ordering pants. Guess who is not patient enough for this sometimes and buys normal pants that are too short? Me. Luckily I am surrounded by the kindest friends who will mock me at will for wearing pants that are even a smidgen short.
Keeping clean shaven
Being on time (put this one in the middle so they are still stuck on your more intriguing flaws)
Battle rapping (i go to the f word early and often) Whenever 8 Mile came out we used to get drunk and try battle rapping. Unfortunately a line consisting of purely f bomb's does not merely rhyme with a line that follows consisting purely of f bomb's- it's identical. I retired from battle rapping soon after)
Throwing away socks once one has a hole in it
Fantasy baseball
Not trying hard enough to join the US Curling Team- As I watched the winter olympics this past year and watched the U.S. Suck at Curling, I thought how awesome I would be at it. Then some young dude shows up and they start talking about how he is the bad boy of curling. That dude looks like a total nerd next to what I would bring- hot ladies and a flask where I get drunk at every match (contest? competition? game? round?) and yell at the crowd. Boom. But it's a weakness of mine since I don't try too hard to join it.
These are my weaknesses. Feel free to use them as you wish at your next job interview.
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