2007...wow....what a year it has been. Kim Jong Il shot an 18 on a golf course, the Yankees failed to win the World Series yet again, I ate many more radioactive elements than anyone ever should, bread jumped back on the scene, the children's literary character Madeline was no longer an orphan, I moved to Los Angeles, tens of people tried new foods, Barack Obama's name was named with countless words (osama, llama, panama ((pronounced incorrectly))) some dogs fought against Michael Vick or something, Joey Chestnut became the Real American Hero by eating a bunch of wieners quickly (a venue in which so many hookers have failed), a spider plant offshoot begat another spider plant, someone somewhere got drunk and tried to play a game of MLB '07 (I probably know them), at minimum seventeen people got drunk, 14 illegal bottlerockets were purchased, spiderman 3 proved spiderman with tobey maguire in it has gone as far as it can go with some demented waif who was a jockey in Seabiscuit, biscuits reemerged on the scene as a food I do not really enjoy and will throw at people if served them, political races heated up (yet all candidates refused my offer for an open Q & A with me and some delicious microwavable foods with me, most of them citing the threat of arsenic in my foods), tears accidentally welled up in my eyes a couple of times (both times due to hot sauce and vicious eye pokings), Michael Keaton appeared in ALL of my favorite movies of the year, the nickname "Boss" was bestowed upon at minimum 15 people by me, 3 of them definitely wanted to fight me, Major League 2 was a decent movie, my dog smelled a majority of the time, the Cubs won the Central division, and made me get really wasted in the playoffs, the bubonic plague once again failed to be a really big epidemic this year, reaer deltoids were never really formally worked out by anyone besides HGH users (Roger Clemens, Miguel Tejada, Brian Munoz, etc.), Superbad provided some funny material for people to say as did Knocked Up, as did accidentally Ratatouille and Die Hard 4 (which I have still yet to see, but you know, sometimes you just hear), Lily Munster Rod Beck Barbaro Anna Nicole Smith Ernest and Gallo (yes both of them) and even Kurt Vonnegut died in this 2007th year since year Zero.
Yet looking back on all of it, nothing could really be all that different then it ended up turning out. Time for an extremely deep sentence. Things that happened would have probably happened even if other things had not have happened and even if the other things not happened stuff probably still would have happened with all the happenings that were just going to have happened based on what else had happened and if things did not happen they may have not been supposed to have happened or did not happen since other things had not happened and did not seem like they were going to happen, and even had they happened, if they were not supposed to happen then even if they had happened it would just as if they did not happen.
2008 will indeed be a different year, full of new smells, shapes (like the octangle!), vegetables, and other such whatnot. So just remember to go at it with all the vim and vigor that you might normally reserve for an all night dance party after you had consumed fifteen pounds of sugar and some weasel dust.
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