It seems to me that recently, everything I have read by anyone, both those in the literary world, and those "veterans" who write things on cardboard (typically expressing their desires for food and board, and ability to perform menial tasks for money, and that they should be allowed to do so due to their current homeless and war served experience, and that none of those who would invite such a person into their home should be the least bit concerned about a)the smell b)the threat of crime or b)the army of fleas prepared to get to work as well ((of course that last part is implied, it would be ridiculous to fit it all on one piece of cardboard))) and stand by the side of the road, has been about songs that have shaped their lives. Those who are the literary type list songs and write paragraphs about what those songs mean. The cardboard wielding homeless might scrawl a song title on their cardboard (such as "Penbull (sic) Wizard"...and yes I saw someone who wrote that on their sign...I have no clue why) or simply hum an inspirational tune like "Baby Got Back" as they walk past your car. Either way, it has inspired me to write some song about the music that impacts my life.
Song That I For Some Reason Chose to Let People Equate me With as a Freshmen in College- Ludacris "Southern Hospitality"
I guess since I had moved up to Chicago from Louisville for school, I really wanted to embrace that I was in fact, southern, while at the same time trying to demonstrate that I was not all that southern. Confusing line to walk...yes, I wear shoes, no I am not double related to any family members, yes I am kind and hospitable like a Southern gentlemen. Anywho, anytime I would be partying and this song would come on, I would undoubtedly begin "throwing my bows" about as the song instructed and acting like the song was being played solely for me since I was from the south, and not because the song was popular at the time. I would even at times imagine people were yelling my name at the time, and they may have been, but it was probably more out of fear of my flying elbows.
Song I Can Karaoke no Matter How Much I Have Had to Drink- Bobby Darin "Mack the Knife"
Alright, so if I have had a lot lot to drink, you might notice I sing a tad slower or it takes me a moment longer to get on beat with the words, but still, it is a very passable version of the song that I perform. Once, on a Wednesday night at Doc's I think I even heard clapping coming from someone who I did not know and who was not a drunken old man. That said, I was on top of the world and had drunken thoughts about releasing an album that night, but after speaking to a homeless man decided I should stay in school (I had forgotten I was out of school at that point, and his argument was so convincing, I agreed with it). But, I'm just saying, have a karaoke machine with this song on it, and I will belt it out for you.
Song That for Some Reason Makes me able to Finish Games of Beer Pong- Lil Flip "Game Over"
My personal beer pong abilities have often been maligned and many have said that I often succeeded merely by playing with Trevor (how we doubled up so many times with me being so supposedly awful I will never know). It is true, I had my share of yips, games where I would throw the ball three feet to the left of the table, and games where the main skill I brought was taunting. But for some reason, when the game would come down to one or two cups left, I could turn on this Lil Flip ballad and suddenly make a cup, at the point when the drunkenness and dwindling number of cups makes this game that much more difficult. It was weird. Scientists will later find that the sound waves in this song encourage tiny ping pong balls to go into cups. I will feel stupid.
Other Songs I Can Sing- "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole and "A Whole New World" by ummmm Aladdin and Jasmin
Just sayin. I can belt out these mofos too. Who knows why.
Of course there are many other songs which have had an impact on my life and which I have tiny stories about, but those tales will have to wait until I too have my own roadside real estate and fine piece of blank cardboard.
Due to my fine time in LA, I have become intensely introspective and I have decided there are a few things that just do not work as well when sitting around by myself:
1)Discussions
They end quickly and I generally avoid arguing with myself. I am always right, which only boosts up my already (according to some girl at a bar the other day) "too high ego" . Yes, I really was told my ego was too high, just for saying hello to a girl at a bar and smiling at her. I had done nothing to demonstrate a "big ego". Weirdo. But anyways, discussions lose that whole extremely underrated second dimension when you are talking to yourself.
2) Witty Barbs
It is really tough to wittily mock those not present based on nothing. Which I think makes it even worse when I am actually around people, like at work, or when hanging out with those I hang out with out here. Which probably makes me seem about as funny as Carrot Top. (Okay still probably funnier than him, but way too focused on the witty barb).
3) Saying the exact same thing a sportscaster will say before they say it
I still do this a lot when alone, but I am far less impressed by my own mad $kill$ since I know what I'm working with. I in fact impressed a man at a local sports bar who was sitting next to me watching the Cubs/Mets game with my ability to precede the talented Joe Morgan in saying the same things he would say. Depending on the color guy, this takes adjustments to the intellect involved (eg Tim McCarver says only dumb shit. John Madden makes it obvious. Bob Brenly seems intent on pointing out that he is dressed weather appropriate that day (("I'm wearing my WGN polo today" or "We've got on the long sleeved polo today")) and the ever brilliant Ron Santo...well, no one can keep up with him) to match up to what they are going to say. But I can do it.
HOLLA
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