That quote is from my favorite standup comic, Demetri Martin. If you have not heard any of his stuff, google him, or look it up on youtube or something, because you might giggle, guffaw, chuckle, cackle, or make that creepy silent wheezing noise you make when you laugh (you know who you are).
I am not sure if it is an effect of me spending much more time in pensive, humorous thought, or merely the effect of my increasing delusions and insanity (which, let's face it, will only make me seem more and more wacky over time. you thought I was out there before, you should see me now! sounds like a great slogan for an looney house) But, thanks in large part to the nearly full wall of mirrors I have that make up the closet doors in my room I spend a lot of time: making lots of faces into said mirror as well as looking at my face while I say odd things in a British accent. Like I said, I hope this is not a part of some sort of sick and twisted change to my personality, a personality which has been called "okay" , "could have a few less slurs" and "I would not kill him right away if stranded on an island with him...I could wait 17-20 minutes...sort of how I feel about going to a mediocre restaurant" . But the other day I actually found myself saying some odd thing that I am not even sure what it meant about "schnoogers and bonkers" and they evidently needed to get done. Needless to say, this cracked me up. Also needless to say, I had consumed ny new three beer limit which makes me feel a little goofy. The beer makes me feel goofy as well as the amount. Screw you.
As this whole Barry Bonds "Home Run King" (which unless he finds an actual crown to wear on that shiny large dome of his, I think the title should be rescinded and returned to Hank Aaron, assuming of course he wears a crown for the rest of his life and break off and forms his own nation) has gone on recently, the thing that has bothered me most, and I am surprised no one has mentioned this since articles have been written ranging from "Should Bonds Get an Asterisk?" "Barry Bonds: Modern Home Run Hero" "Barry Bonds Likes to Eat Sandwiches" "Bonds Only Drinks Orange Gatorade" and the OJ Simpson op ed "Bonds Did It! (not the home run thing, the killing stuff)" that the main thing of all this is that Barry Bonds is not in any video games. If you are the SF Giants in any game, there is a strangely awesome, often right handed, often white, often named Jon Dowd player who patrols left field and hits 4th for them. There is little to no excitement to being Jon Dowd. Being John Malkovich in a video game would even be more exciting. So Barry, why'd you do it? Why won't you be in a video game? Your squeaky voice is familiar to children, your large head is recognized worldwide, and you are evidently the leader of some sort of monarchy now. I say, be a king to your people and appear in some video games. What would Queen Victoria have done Barry? (I only say Queen Victoria because Barry has the most in common with her: high pitched voice...well, mainly that)
On early Thursday morning, at around 1am, I was awakened by my roommate Jessica, pounding on my door and screaming something about an earthquake. It was at this point that I realized, that in FACT everything WAS shaking in the room, not just the door. Initially though, the first thought in my mind was that Jessica, who had played some sort of musical gig earlier in the evening, was partying with a bunch of people and thought I should join in....but alas no, there was an earthquake. It was odd once I realized that was what it was...and it was pretty wild. No one else anywhere seemed to have any reaction as it was "ONLY a 4.2"...well sorry, I just wanted to jump under a desk and cover my neck, and then potentially get down with a little rioting...and maybe pee down the garbage chute in my building..but alas I will evidently have to wait for some larger earthquake, at which point actual calamity will ensue and I might have to try and stay alive rather than have fun with this. Damnit.
That is all, minions. (Click on those ads...I'll buy you something)
PS David Beckham is a bitch
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