To ruin all excitement, yes, I have arrived in Los Angeles. “The City of Angels”, “Where the Angels Used to Play Before they Moved Nowhere but Somehow became ‘of Anaheim’”, “The Place Where that Rodney King Shit Went Down”. As the Tupac song title said, “To Love and Die in LA”, well I aspire to do pretty much 100% living, and 0% dying, but even the best laid plans fail from time to time I guess. More on this LA shizzle in a bit.
-There was a city I encountered by way of road sign on my recent journey, I believe in Nebraska, called “Waukee”. I half thought I should stop there and let the city council know of their new tourist program and slogan (all the while charging them some grand, grand fee, either money or a large number of hamsters). “Come to Waukee…less Mila, more Waukee”. Alright, so that sucks. Give me a break. The only human to human contact I have had the last few days have been with people at gas stations, Subways, and hotel desk front counters. Had I bounced this idea off an actual person I knew, they would have told me how stupid I sounded for sure. Enough of your lip.
- I heard the Stevie Wonder song, “Isn’t She Lovely?” Ummm, Stevie, you are blind. Should the song not have been “Is She Lovely???” The lyrics could have been appropriately changed to “Is she lovely? Because I think she’s wonderful.” If he wanted to keep it with “Isn’t she lovely”, he should have lyrically worked into the song how long he spent feeling her face, and how compared to the countless others he had felt, she was definitely lovely.
Here are the grades for all the states I drove through:
Illinois(D) - I was basically familiar with the area I drove through in Illinois, but the weather was AWFUL. The rain was so bad at one point that I could see barely five or so feet in front of my car. And the terrain is fairly boring.
Iowa (C+)- Yet another state which offers very little to look at in terms of terrain, BUT as I mentioned previously, there were about seven cute girls at my gas station stop in Des Moines, which must count for something. Also, slight kudos to Iowa for offering wireless internet…but at rest stops. We all know what goes on at rest stops, or the stereotype…and it is something besides bathroom breaks (at least according to There’s Something About Mary). Had I been further from home and thinking someone needed to contact me by way of the internet, I for sure would have tried to access this internet from my car.
Nebraska (C-)- Someone in Nebraska should start a hooker farm alongside the road or something. It would be a welcome sight after looking at all that corn and livestock, not to even mention the putrid odor. The one redeeming quality was the surprisingly cool downtown Lincoln, which moved around crazier then that Bacardi mojito commercial. Luckily for me, I am not cool, and sat in my hotel room watching TV and fiddling around online. Plus I remembered all that unemployed stuff. Every dollar I spend is a dollar less that I have. No, no, no…I guess that is how it always is, what I meant is that the money supply is not going back up yet.
Colorado (A-)- Wow. Now I understand why my parents moved to this state for a little while to make a couple awesome children (me and my big sissuh). Actually, no I am not sure they ever really explained what they were doing out there…I might have to ask. But after all the flat terrain of Iowa and Nebraska, Colorado was definitely like whoa. The Rockies were crazy, the driving was actually interesting- large mountainous, curvy climbs followed by down grades of up to 7% where truck drivers would freak out because they were all of a sudden going way too fast…then I would glance at my speed and realize I was going way too fast as well.
Utah (D-)- The scenery is nice, but there is nothing here. Is this really where God wanted the Mormons to settle, Joseph Smith? Well then maybe you should have actually settled it.
California (C-) – It was all windy and shit and boring until I hit LA (no, I am not bored of writing about driving, why would that seem like a boring topic. Silly.)
My first night here come and gone, it was okay. Naturally I felt a little anxious seeing as I had actually arrived and had very little clue as to where to go or who to turn to, but then I remembered it was 2007 and Eileen was able to come through with some internet aid and Paul’s friend who he knows out here, I was able to find an okay hotel in a safe neighborhood. Now I sit in a Starbucks in Culver City, CA, right across the street from Sony Pictures Studios, basking in the mid 70’s sunlight, looking at the people walking by, applying for jobs and looking for potential places to live (dumpsters, old refrigerator boxes, clown cars). If anything I am the homeless person around here with some of the nicest possessions.
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