Tuesday, March 13, 2007

I never needed anybody, that won't change now

Hola amigos. I know it has been a while since I rapped at you, but judging from some of the garbled text messages I sent over the course of last Wednesday through Saturday/early Sunday, I am not sure how many people would have continued reading past two or three lines of: "hjdguus jhs sjah aihd" (literally translated to: I believe the socioeconomic problems of subsaharan Africa are based in part on the fact that those nations are still pissed off about their portrayal in the classic films, The Gods Must Be Crazy and The Gods Must Be Crazy II) So, my jibberish translates to a desire to talk partially academically and partially nonsensically. That's what I figure at least.

Here's a brief recap of the days of last week:

Wednesday: Our normal league basketball game followed by Brian, Paul, and me going to our team sponsor, Redmond's, for some beers, followed by our intelligent decision to drink more beer at Doc's. And by intelligent, I mean we must have extremely low IQ's.

Thursday: Bryce calls me, volunteers to pick me up and bring me down to Lincoln Park. Melissa and Sarah meet us out, fun drinking times ensue, complete with Bryce buying many "bombs" as I assured him I needed them to stay awake. By this night I had splotchy red Native American skin like when Logan drinks. How grand. One street brawl later, I end up getting a cab home at 3:30am.

Friday: I somehow make it to work for one my less productive days in a long time. I made no effort to do any work, and my days efforts consisted of bothering Logan, finding a too large QuickBooks polo shirt and wearing it over my other shirt, and complaining to Logan about the softness of my desk (how am I ever supposed to nap?). That evening we go to see the movie 300 as I somehow explain to people it will not be a night of drinking, what with me having work Saturday morning and all. That makes no sense whatsoever, but it is accepted. I fall asleep during part of the beginning of 300 (the boring talking part).

Saturday: I dutifully go to work from 8-12. Go home, go for a run, shower, and then as I had earlier discussed with Paul, we go to Doc's, at around 1:30. Brian,Adam and Kimmie meet us there, then eventually Dave, Trevor and even Mike show up. Needless to say, somehow by 4:00 I am filling out the tip portion of my $160 tab and we are ordering more shots.

On the way home, Paul and I decide we are each going to somehow acquire $60 in singles and when we go out that evening we will "make it rain". We were decidedly too excited about this, and kept laughing and high fiving. For those of you not familiar with making it rain, here is a brief definition:

"When Having a large some Money at one time or various times. And Then going over and throwing it at a hater or a bitch. The money will then fall from above them as if it was raining. This is mainly down to a person you dont like to show how more balla or fresh you are then them . Which will make fun of them . Mainly done in front of others to show off making the crowd laugh " -urbandictionary.com

However it seemed that the all day drinking and then continued drinking into the evening made us to forget to actually go through with the raining (I think). It also caused me some confusion the next day when I had cash in my pocket.

Needless to say the whole evening, as I remember it, was full of drinking, smiling, and being merry. (except for the fighting that went down at the house before we left. but even that I think involved drinking, smiling, and some sort of merriment)

One of the more fun activities I enjoyed on Friday at work was my attempt at becoming a "spammer". What follows are the e-mails I sent to Logan, at his work e-mail account, but in not so spammy fashion, I sent them from my work e-mail account. So I guess they were the worst spam ever.

Spam 1: Subject: Please Take My Kingdom's Millions!


"Hello sir,
I am the son of a deposed African king. Currently the government is trying to take our money, but if you provide me with your bank information, so that your account can hold my money, there will be millions in it for you!

Tim Radway
Kenny & Kenny, P.C.
(708)386-0600"


(Note how I even left my work e-mail signature. I would be a top spammer in no time)

Spam 2: Subject: 3 INCHES


"GROW AN ADDITIONAL 3 INCHES. VIAGRA. NATURAL GROWTH PRODUCTS. SUPPLEMENTS.

Tim Radway
Kenny & Kenny, P.C.
(708)386-0600 "



Spam 3: Subject: AWESOME REPLICAS. ROLEX. GAP.


"AWESOME REPLICAS. ROLEX. GAP.

Tim Radway
Kenny & Kenny, P.C.
(708)386-0600 "



So, basically I would match all those automated programs that send out spam in both speed and content. Or not.

As I believe I have already let many people know, I have decided that I will be leaving the Chicagoland area in the beginning of June for the sunny West Coast. I will be finding a part time job somewhere in the LA area, and then spending more time on this "writing" crap and probably trying to join some improv groups as well as meet lots of new people. Hopefully I will catch a studio exec in some sort of murder/affair combo, and blackmail them into casting me in roles of no importance in many low budget crappy films, thus leading people to recognize me, but have no idea from where for many years to come. I know it is quite a stretch to think that any of this could happen, but why not? I think the people in my life would much prefer I tried this out now then say, when I am 38 and married with two kids and decide I want to chase some crazy whim. So, on Monday June 4th, I will be packing up the car and driving upwards of 50 mph towards California, on pace to arrive by mid-August. Ha. Happy St.Paddy's Day.

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