It was that damn Sasquatch

Here are some words I could use to describe Thursday evening for me, without actually telling any stories:

Whiskey sours
Beer
Ultimate Fighting
Beer splash
punch
karaoke
numbers
wallet
church
field
mud
fight
drunk
3 am
car
bar
urination

Make what conclusions you want. But it was one fun ass night. And, I did not wet myself, so don't draw that conclusion...unless you have a jumping to conclusions mat. But even so, I did not wet myself. I have yet to become one of those peeing drunks. Well, I pee a lot when I drink, but never any place weird other than the outdoors.

So first, some exciting news. I passed the 2,000 hit mark on my blog according to myspace. Mind you, this probably consists of Trevor looking at it everyday to try and figure out how to be so witty, eloquent, educated, manly....and pure tasty. So that is good. Also, there is a search function on myspace for the blogs, and....hold on to your pants...if you search for "cous-cous" there are five pages of blogs listed and none other than yours truly appears on page 4. So basically I am a bonafide celebrity...I have yet to let the fame go to my head too much aside from yelling at people I don't know, like bartenders "Don't you know who I am?" (all the while banging my hand on the bar)....Actually last night I did order a pitcher of beer and then motion at the foam, as if to say "Are you serious, what do I look like? Some sort of foam imbibing creature?" Of course with the celeb status I have...the bartender responded to my actions by saying "Six dollars." Which I know that meant something more like...."I know your game, you brilliant blogging machine...you are a real Jessica Joffey of the Chicago area. And I know if I mention this I won't be blogged about, but if I just say something like the price of the pitcher you will mention it."

I would like to apologize to some advertisements/advertisers. Your commercials are funny, memorable, even at times worthy of turning up the volume too and kindly requesting everyone in the room to "Shut the fuck up"....but last I checked the point of an advertisement is to SELL a product, not merely to entertain people. If an ad entertains someone, and they in turn buy the product, then boom, good work. But, this is not the case, at least not from this consumer.

Commercial example #1- The Sierra Mist commercials: These are slightly funny, feature funny people, and even sometimes funny situations. BUT Sprite still kicks ass in market share, and you know why? No one is ever in the soft drink aisle pondering, "Which is the one that might get confiscated by airport security as was shown to me by Tracy Morgan? I want THAT one" or "Which one is the one that is 'that refreshing'? I need that one, because other non-cola carbonated lemon-lime beverages have been unfulfilling as of late."

Commercial example #2- The Skittles Beard Commercial- This is a HILARIOUS commercial. But, the whole idea of a creepy man who can use his beard as an appendage, is once again not that big of a selling point for me. I would totally buy the beard, or might even think about being that man for Halloween, but as far as desiring Skittles as a cause of that, it just doesn't work.

There are many others. But as long as I am discussing advertising, why do inappropriate companies keep buying the naming rights to athletic arenas? For example, the Cleveland Cavs play at Quicken Loans Arena. The Astros used to play at Enron field, and now play at Minute Maid Park and there are many others...like the St.Louis Rams playing at Edward Jones dome. Enough. Unless....unless...there start to be some more inappropriate names, or even weirder sponsors...and if any of you companies wish to use these, just send me the check for my idea:

Tampa Bay Devil Rays- Preparation H Field
Pittsburgh Steelers- Metamucil Dome
New York Jets- Johnson Baby Oil Arena
Baltimore Orioles- O.B. Tampon Dome
San Francisco Giants-BALCO Park

You are very welcome corporate juggernauts.

And with further ado, here are the Top 10 numbers:

1) 583
2) 8.923
3)7,862,194
4)a kabillion
5) 22/7
6) 14
7) 49.7
8) 3
9) 15 hundred thousand
10) .456

Merci beaucoup. Vous n'avez rien envier a Charles Atlas.