What do you get when you cross an orangutan and a puma? No, seriously, I'd like to know.

Well foos, since I last "blogged" at ya, I had the precautionary x-ray for my stomach area. But I haven't heard anything back so I guess I am not dying after all. Whew. Although the whole x-ray process left me a little weary and I think I might be dying of something else entirely- radiation poisoning....both the x-ray technician and the doctor wore these special leaded suits and I had to wear a fucking gown....and then they made me drink all this shitty ass barium and eat some tiny crystals....there is probably some observation room of all the other hospital workers on break laughing and saying things like, "Can you believe they will drink that old toilet water just because a doctor told them to?....HAHAHAHA" and "People don't normally take LSD so easily but a doctor tells them to and....oh man! That guy just said he had to go to work after this! HAHAHAHA."

Christmas was good but the weekend flew by.

I decided tonight while watching a video game commercial that a new genre of video games should be invented...minimal gaming. I am not talking about The Onion article that mentioned a new game from the makers of Grand Theft Auto where your sorted boxes, but rather a game which takes all current games and lets you choose a pansy-ass role where you do nothing...at the very least it would prepare today's youth for their first jobs.....for instance:

In the James Bond series of games, you control James Bond and run around and kill countless hundreds of faceless bad guys.

In MINIMAL James Bond land you would choose one bad guy who stands somewhere in some particular level and wait for James Bond to appear...so you could literally be "playing" this game for many hours without jack shit to do...and then Bond could show up and you could get popped like nothing.

In the EA Sports family of games, you control enitre teams of players and try and defeat the computer or a human opponent in different sporting events.

In MINIMAL EA Sports games, you could be a fan in the crowd, a referee, umpire or soft drink vendor. The less to do, the better.

I really think this idea could sell. This is why I will someday be a marketing guru (Motto: "Marketing actual feces to your children")

As New Year's Eve fast approaches, many of you are asking, "Tim, what should we do for a toast?" and "Tim, where did you get those pants?" and "Tim, why are you a better man than me?" other such New Year's related questions.

To answer your questions in no particular order:
The moon
The moon
A New Year's Eve toast should alienate at least three people you are with, or lead everyone you are with to believe they are a part of an elaborate Ashton Kutcher/Alan Funt hidden camera trick. For example:

"As we enter this new year, everyone raise your glass and drink if you don't have at least six STD's" (After everyone drinks (since no one wants to own up to this) randomly then say three people's names and something like "and BLAH, BLAH, and BLAH are liars" (then pause for laughter) then say, "No, I'm serious, those guys have been around more than the first merry go round" (pause for laughter again, then put in video you borrowed from the library about the perils of STD's and make everyone watch)

or

"To all of my friends and family who have used the restroom tonight...you just got PUNKD!!! And also, the drinks have all been non-alcoholic so (fill in blank), you can stop acting like that."

If you wanted anymore ideas for New Year's Eve toasts, be sure to let me know. I can think one up for you specifically and even personalize it with names.

Next time I am going to write about the best song of all time. And hopefully for you, me and Trevor start another blogoff. Tim out.

"Sorry Jesus, Sorry We Ruined Your Birthday Again"

First of all, would not the title of this blog be an awesome Christmas song? I would like to hear it, so any of you aspiring song bitches out there, write me a song. Well...not me, but rather Christ....and a dysfunctional celebration of Christmas.

Thanks for the large number of comments on the blogoff. Oh wait, I think I got three, one from Logan, one from Joe, and one from my sissuh, Eileen. Your voices have been heard and I have responses.

Logan- Trevor is a woman. Both literally and figuratively. He was born with both parts a la Jamie Lee Curtis and life has been a misguided adventure for him ever since.

Joe- Jud Buchler was a brilliant b-ball player (in the Special Olympics he even managed to lead his team to a medal...but then again, everyone is a winner! YAY!)

Eileen- Hopefully our next blogoff can avoid sports. It will be about religion and I hope will offend people everywhere and somehow make me end up in a Tunisian prison.

My blog "competitor" (and I say that in no ways meaning at all that he even competes with the ((shitty)) quality of stuff I am posting here. This shit here is Bob Dylan writing "These Times they are a Changing". I am the (unheard, mute, retarded) voice of a generation) Jason Mulgrew (google his name and read his blog) has begun deleting comments I leave him on the networking website Myspace.com. He is obviously afraid of my (potential mental deficiencies) blogging skills and that I will replace him as king of the bloggers. Or because I leave comments like this:

"Ain't nobody gonna hold me down, I don't care if you won't be my blog mentor and when I see you (and believe me I will) I am going to make your digestive system a living hell!"

"'Jason "I scare babies" Mulgrew, you are due for a swift kick in the junk' - raves Roger Ebert!"

So, my comments were a little weird, and not even that funny now that I look at them.

So, I finally went to the doctor for the strange stomach ailment that has been ailing me since the Sunday after the Spades tournament. I thought for sure I was dying as I have had this feeling of being full (like imagine you had just eaten back to back Thanksgiving dinners) all the time. But, it turns out (the doctor was about 95% sure) that I have torn or strained up to 7 muscles on the left side of my abdomen. I got some muscle relaxers and have been ordered to cease working out for a couple weeks. Just to be sure my organs have not been liquified, I have an x-ray appointment tomorrow morning per the doctor's orders. Had I been dying (and given a timeframe of under 3 months to live) this is what I would have done:

1)Quit my job
2)Go to Vegas for a few days
3)Get a job at Subway and make strange sandwich art that would both appall people as well as taking care of their hunger
4)Audition for SNL
5)Get wasted all the time
6)Prepare a strange lis tof things to be done with my corpse including: bowling, scaring children, and getting a full length photo tattoo of Neil Diamond on my back.
7)Play dead in front of friends and family at least twice a day just to freak them out and gauge reactions.
8)Drink some more
9)Run quickly around outside in tighty whities with some fake alien hands on.
10)Maybe receive some treatment for my disease?

In terms of sports this weekend sucked. UL lost to UK. The Colts lost. But Trevor passed out in the middle of afternoon and I got to participate in the great sport of drawing on a passed out person with a Sharpie. I was definitely a big winner. If you have never played this game, here are the rules:

-Wait until a person is passed out
-Have a Sharpie ready
-Start by drawing on their eyelids. This makes it look like their eyes are open as well as being extremely difficult to wash off. It also makes the person appear to be wearing eyeliner.
-Draw them a funny mustache a sideburns.
-Write either the word "Penis" or "Cock" on their forehead.
-Also write one of these words on their arm, with a heart around it signaling their love for the encircled word.
-Be sure to giggle all the time and recoil in fear should they wake up.

I was a sure winner, but Trevor acted as a capable player 2 once I left the apartment. He responded in all the appropriate forms that are acceptable according to game play:

-Tell drawer's roommate, "Screw Tim, I am going to eat all his food" (although Trevor, not really a good attack for you, you do this shit anyways)
-Download as much gay porn as you can onto the perp's computer.

Fun times.

After listening to a lot of Christmas music the past couple of weeks, I have begun thinking of some of the best lines in the songs as well as some singers I would like to hear re-make some classics:

-"It's the Most Wonderul Time of the Year"- There is a line in this song about "scary ghost stories"...I am glad my family never included this tradition in our Christmas rituals. (Although we have gone upstairs the past 10 years or so to read the story of Jesus' birth while Santa comes.(on Christmas Eve for us) However, this past year, we read some awesome Norwegian folk tales and I hope we continue this once again this year)) I would love to hear Bob Dylan sing this song, as well as Will Ferrell imitating Robert Goulet singing this song.

I don't feel like typing anymore. And I have work to do. Have a Merry Fucking Christmas. Prepare to be offended in our next blogoff.

THE BLOGOFF

TIM'S OPENER:

First of all Trevor, you are a gentle(wo)man and a scholar. I am elated that we are having this discussion of academia. Although you seem to be rather miffed at the subject of the Top Three nicknames of all time, I am sure you know many more than you can think of. But I guess I will simply have to educate your bitch ass.

The truest test of a nickname, in my esteemed opinion, is that you do not even know the person's real name. If all you've got is a nickname...that's like whoa. This is very rare in nicknames, though, and I only do not know the real name of my ....1 nickname. Just to set the precedent on good and bad nicknames, here are some bad nicknames:
Trevor "Good at Basketball and Life" Giancarlo
Benjamin "Skinny" Franklin
Roger "The Rocket" Clemens (this one is bad because he sucks)

Now on to my explanation of the top 3 nicknames I either know or have heard in my life time as well as a brief reasoning as to why it is is an awesome nickname.

#3 "The Splendid Splinter" Ted Williams- First of all, whomever coined this nickname is brilliant. Referring to something as shitty to have in your hand as a splinter as "splendid". Wow. Of course it had something to do with William's batting prowess and not some marvelous chuck of wood stuck in his hand, but still...and plus "The Splendid Splinter" is now cryogenically frozen...how's that for name preservation?

#2 "Sleepy" Floyd, NBA Baller- Alright, so I lied as I also do not know Sleepy Floyd's real name...but damn if a nickname could never be more correct...this man looked like the King of Narcoleptic people and still managed to play competitive basketball in the NBA (although some may argue this). He led to a whole new generation of sleepy players...Tracy McGrady, Terry Pendleton...and a myriad of others.

#1 "80's" Maybe I am more partial to the brilliance of this nickname because I made it up, but I have no idea what this man's name is, nor do I believe does anyone else who called him 80's. Here is the story: This summer, every Tuesday evening a large contigent of manfolk would get together and play some Chicago style 16 inch softball (T-Bags, I believe you even brought your tiny, delicate handed bitchass out one time). Anyways, the first week we are there a man with long mullet-like hair, wearing denim shorts and a 1985 Chicago Bears Super Bowl championship shirt, seemingly wanders out of the woods at this park while smoking a cigarette. (Of course he really didn't wander out of the woods, someone brought him with, but it did not stop me from making up this story)...I quickly said..."That one guy went into a coma in the woods after the 1985 Super Bowl and just woke up, wandered out and wants to play softball...creepy ass man." At that point the nickname was born, and everyone called him "80's" week after week. Sheer brilliance.

Trevor, I implore you to tear down my nicknames and present three of your own...then it's on...punk ass.


TREVOR'S FIRST REPLY:

Well my previous brilliant literature was just a warm-up for now that way everyone can really see how much of an intellect I truly am.

First, the first 3 nicknames are wonderful, especially mine. I like the Rocket b/c it makes me think of a pocket rocket, which would be a vibrator for those sexually immature and thus Roger "the vibrator" Clemens is quite comedical to me.

Now, the "splendid splinter" has some faults to it. First, splinters are just no fun and thus the pun of calling it splendid upsets me. Secondly, name preservation should be achieved from success, not from psychopathic children freezing you Walt Disney style. Third, Ted Williams was lefthanded and left handed people are rejects of society who were not taught how to write properly as a youth in school.

Sleepy Floyd just uspets me in so many aspects. First, a career cast off with a 6ppg avg. should get no nickname. Second, sleepy just helps perpetuate the stereotype that blacks are lazy. Why not call him kool-aid floyd of kentucky fried floyd, which not only adds racism but also alliteration. Third, the fact that Tmac is even mentioned by you with Eric perturbs me. Tmac is high as a kite and Yao Ming is chinese...that is why they look sleepy.

80'S? This is absurd. I like some of the logic behind it like Da Bears but to name one single being after the greatest decade known to mankind just is not right and is too much pressure for anyone to handle. And any nickname derived by a feeble mind such as yourself just is not fitting enough to serve a long term purpose.

Here is a list of 3 real nicknames:
1) Tim "the lettuce menace" Radway-for obvious reasons
2) Tim "Rock" Raines-crack is awesome
3) And in honor of sleepy floyd, i have the best cast-off nickname...Jud "the stud" Buchler-obvious reasons(hes a good looking man)

Sorry to embarass you and ur nicknames here but its how I roll, and is why I soon will be a professional blogger.

TIM'S COMEBACK (WITH A VENGEANCE):

Trevor, the first three nicknames were complete and utter jokes. You would need to be good at either basketball or life for your nickname to work. Benjamin Franklin once wrote a piece of literature with a name similar to: "My Dialogue with my Gout". And now that you have explained Roger Clemen's nickname to me a little further, I must admit, it knows elicits a small giggle from me whenever I think of it.

Trevor, as you can see in my opening arguments I already said that splinter's sucked and that is why this nickname was so witty to call something like a piece of wodd stuck in your hand "splendid". Left handed people, in reality, control society and will end up dominating it ( I say this without bias even though I am left handed)...the real reason they were not taught (read:forced) in school to be right handed is that these pithy teachers feared these southpaw's abilities.

Sleepy Floyd always looked like he had been awakened by a fire alarm at 4:30 am when he had gone to bed at 2am. Although he may not have had the play to merit a nickname, his nickname could not have possibly fit him any better. If Tracy McGrady is in fact high all the time and not just another sleepy man he should get an appropos nickname like "Ganja" Mc Grady, or "Dimebag". (As a side note how much of a bad foresight could it be on the part of the Houston Rocket's GM to have two stars on his team who each have their eyes open only 6%...seriously).

Was the 80's the greatest decade of all time? Maybe if you are referring to the 1880's (http://kclibrary.nhmccd.edu/19thcentury1880.htm). The 1980's were prone to producing the great youth of today, but in terms of people like "80's" himself, it was a decade that was known for producing such miscreants.

Now, to poke holes in your nicknames:
1)Tim "The Lettuce Menace" Radway- I have never and will never be called this nickname. If you are referring to my supposedly freakish eating habits, they are all in your head. To recount a brief story of Trevor acting like a woman:

Last Thursday at Fuego Loco when we were consuming margaritas (and had just each eaten half of a frozen pizza) we had a basket of chips in front of us. Trevor was continually eating the chips and saying things like, "Would you eat the chips, you are making me feel like such a pig." To that I have to say simply, Trevor you are a woman and maybe a new nickname is in order: Trevor "Oprah" Giancarlo

2)Tim "Rock" Raines....no matter how much I am supposed to argue with this one I simply cannot. It was a phenomenal nickname from a different era and no one could ever get away with such a nickname nowadays. Imagine if they started giving the late Len Bias a nickname like Len "The Line" Bias. Simply brilliant. It should be noted that Tim Raines has lupus. I am not sure why it needed to be noted, but it was necessary.

3)Jed Buchler (#30 in photo to the right...note how no one even wants to stand hear him) never had a nickname nor was he the least bit pleasing to look at. He had grainy, weird hair and a very square jaw. He was not a stud at any point in his life except for maybe now that he toils at some company just so he can be on their corporate basketball team (and the eighth man off the bench).

Suck it.

GIANCARLO STRIKES AGAIN
1)Lettuce Menace Radway-I was in fact referring to your repeated rubbing and erotically seducing my eye lids with lettuce particles at El Burrito. Tu es muy grande puta con muy pito piqito y chingate tu pudillo. Oh yes I'm well cultured. And regarding your weak and shameless attack on my chip consumption at Fuego Loco, let me reply by saying one thing...I was drunk and feeling guilty b/c I had no intentions of paying and yet was eating it all. Its a clear case of my morals and concern for others bringing me down.

2) Rock Raines- the man, the myth, the legend...theres not more to say about it. I also thoroughly enjoy Len "the Line" Bias, kudos to you on that.

3) Jud "the stud" Buechler-this is complete and utter brilliance on my behalf. His excellent markmanship from the 3pt line was only matched by his unrelenting sex appeal. His hair was not grainy, in fact it was beautifully combed over like a child's hair before 3rd grade photo day. Not only that, he was a 2 sport star so if that doesn't add to his sex appeal, you are just being ignorant.

Now regarding this Trevor "Oprah" Giancarlo...this is an attack that will only be countered by saying one thing...at least I'm MAN enough to fight of an ailment and go drinking! I'm feelin loco baby.

Since clearly I'm the creative genius behind this operation, I will think of 3 more nicknames for you to admire.

1) "Never Nervous" Pervis Ellison- Ok there is so much wrong with this man and more importantly his institution. I know this is touchy to you and Milt Wagner and DeJuan Wheat, so I'll let you talk good about this 7ft waste of space before I tear him and "the L" down

2) Raffy "Limp Dick" Palmerio- I figure a fellow viagra man such as yourself could appreciate this name.

3) Earvin "Magic" Johnson-this is one nickname that always perturbed me to an unfathomable extent. The only Magic he has is how he faked everyone into having the HIV b/c clearly he should be a victim of AIDS by now.

TMac is too good for a dimebag so I'll call him Tracy "fat sack" McGrady, this way there can be double meaning because I in fact am also referring to the circumference of his scrotum.

GIANCARLO-2 lettuce menace-0

AND IT'S ON! Tim's Second Reply:

If I had better initially understood the lineage of the "Lettuce Menace" nickname, I might have enjoyed it more, Oprah. It is in fact a pretty funny nickname although it is in fact not a nickname at all, with the fact that NO ONE CALLS ME THAT. And as far as your Spanish jibberish, I get none of that and all it means to me is that you said, "Could I have a plunger, I seem to have clogged your toilet."

Jed Buchler is straight up fugly. As a man that can respect good looks, I would not be abashed to saying if he was dead sexy. The sexiest member of that Bulls squad was in fact none other than Toni "I am a dirty European and spell my name like a female R&B singer" Kukoc, who at age 86 is still plugging away in the NBA as well as avoiding showers.

Pervis Ellison, at the age of 18, when leading UofL to the national title, was in fact, at no times nervous. This was measured on one of those machines where you put in a quarter and put your thumb on the thingy. His lucky numbers were 7, 14, 26, and 9. It was not until his crap ass NBA career that Pervis became skittish and seemingly caused him to eat multiple buffet lines and rumor has it, have sex with men. However, while at the highly esteemed University of "How many championships has Illinois won in the last 25 years" Louisville, he was a P-I-M-P.

Trevor, you should know as well as anyone that I stopped using Viagra after you called me that one time when you were scared because you had taken it and had gotten a huge erection that would not go away when watching ESPN classic footage of ugly ass Jud Buchler. You know you were scared for a couple reasons...first of all, that you would be turned on by a man, and secondly that this man was Jud Buchler. Rafael Palmeiro is a dumbass with evidently some erectile problems. But the nickname fits.

Magic Johnson's nickname gets to stay...is it not in fact rather "magical" that he has yet to get AIDS? Or is it just a giant trick to everyone else in the world who thinks, "I can hump around like an NBA player and not worry about dying! My main risk is friends being scared of playing basketball with me ans Isiah Thomas giving me a kiss!"

As for T-Mac a more appropriate nickname would have to be Tracy "Mary Jane" Mc Grady...then he sounds like an Irish Catholic School girl.

I can't lose with 22's bitch, that's what's up.

Also, your friend Lance who goes by the nickname "Falo" is a victim of a couple things:
1)A serious burrito induced shanking
2)A nickname made to sound ladylike and gay due to J-Lo. It's worth mentioning.

Lettuce Menace-3 Oprah-0

GIANCARLO REBUTTLE & UNDISPUTED BLOG VICTORY

Lettuce Menace=Punk Bitch The "real T-mac"=PIMP

I just had to clear that up for all that are retarded and may be confused about our social rankings.

Pervis Ellison was always nervous out of fear his anal tongue massaging fetish would come out to the public. Regarding his basketball skills, he was a black Bill Wennington, shooting nothing but 15 footers shying away from any sort of contact that was not sexual.

Regarding Jud Buechler' sex appeal, Toni KuCOCK was an excellent specimen of man as well, but he just didn't have that "it" factor like Jud the stud. Plus, broken english just can't cut it in our modern society. Jud is like GI Joe, because he's a real american hero, saving Michael Jordan in the clutch time of 4th quarters.

I like your'e argument regarding Magic, him and Isaih making out at half-court every game was rather disturbing. I really have no comment regarding Magic, kudos to you sir.

Tracy "Mary Jane" McGrady just does not cut it. We all know black people cannot afford to go to prive Catholic Schools. JUST KIDDING. It's gotta be Tracy "Chronic" McGrady cuz he be on that kryptonite, he be on that shit tonight.

Regarding Falo...his shanking was a neccessity and I stand by my actions. I warned him numerous time but his ignorance was just outshining any logic he had. Regarding his nickname, there is a story behind that which would be very mean if I said why so I shall not, but I will say if has to do with him, Marc Antony, Ben Afflek, a bottle of tequilla, and Gigli on DVD...lets just say it gets a little crazy in a pure homosexual way.

This nickname battle has been an encaptivating experience but clearly I am the undisputed victor and your lack of competiting is actually quite apalling. Maybe next time we can discuss NBA scrubs from the L like Francisco Garcia and compare his success to greats like Deron Williams and Luther Head...U OF I BITCHES! ONE

TIM HERE:
Please let Trevor and me know what you thought of our first blogoff. Including: who do you think won? any commentary on our commentary? any ideas for new topics? should we do this again? what is that smell? do you ever shower? are you free tonight? do you believe in magic?

Shanked for a burrito and other disasters

This past weekend (and by that I obviously mean the period from last Thursday until Sunday) was a lot of fun. Thursday night began with a phone call from my soon to be blog competitor Trevor Giancarlo (more on this later) asking me what I was doing. I had nothing planned so he came over. We began consuming liquor, some of the bourbon we had from the last time he had come over and the Jim Beam I had remaining from the Spades weekend. We then decided we needed to drink more. We went for the traditional $3 margarita at Fire Crazy, where we each consumed at least 4 margaritas. Then my ladyfriend Haley came to pick us up and we went to local Irish estbalishment, Duffy's where we began consuming beer. By this point my state was already described by outsiders as "deliriously funny". As we continued to drink I began turning into a kleptomaniac and probably in plain sight of other bar patrons and possibly workers, I began stealing some of those plastic banners and sticking them under my jacket. I did not end up bringing them home so I am not sure what happened between here and there. Also, my friend Bryce called me and was angry that I had not informed him of my drinking and terpsichorean adventures. He then some how appeared moments later and bought me some Jack and Cokes. It is him and anyone else who provided me with liquor who I can thank for helping me to wake up at 9:00 the next morning to show up at work by 8:00. No biggie I guess. Friday at work was great! My stomach and head did not hurt at all! That throbbing pain in both spots is normal, right! Friday night I cannot even begin to think to recount in this space, but I will try. I went to Jewel (the local epicerie) and bought groceries. Some of my more tantalizing purchases included: granny smith apples, bread, roast beef, provolone cheese, pork chops, eggs, pretzels, baby carrots, animal crackers, spinach, salad dressing, macaroni, a jar of spaghetti sauce, beer, milk, some chicken tenders. Okay so that was all my purchases and not just the most tantalizing ones....but just imagine someone feeding it to you as you lay on a bed with palm leaves being waved upon you. Saturday was the day before Trevor's birthday and he informed me that we would be going out. For some reason I have a rule in my head that no matter what I have going on (e.g. I haven't slept in six days, I have an exam the next day, I could feel my organs liquefying and I needed to go to the hospital) I always will go out and have fun for a friend's birthday. It is their day after all. And maybe, just a little bit, I like to have some fun. So, Trevor called me early in the day to let me know that he still had bite marks on his shoulder from me on Thursday and also that people would be gathering at his house around 7:30 for 3 hours of pregaming. I really like pregaming. It is where you save your money for the night and determine how to have fun. I knew Trevor would be wanting to pregame because I have seen him push children aside for the chance to pick up a quarter...out of a sewer. And also it seems whenever I go out with Haley and her friends we pregame for approximately 7 minutes, during which time I finish one beer and have to leave all the rest in someone's room never to be seen again. So anyways, I like to pregame. I was sitting around watching various sporting events on Saturday (curling, ((I really think I could be in the Olympics for curling someday...how many people really do it anyways? I have never met anyone who curled)) college football and basketball, eel tossing) when Trevor called around 4:30 and said that some people had begun pre-pregaming. Wow. I showered as quickly as I could and went over there, arriving around 5:30 and beginning to drink. Sarcastic comments kept being tossed around like, "Come on and drink! You're not even going to be drunk! We only have 4 and a half hours left before we leave! Come on and step it up a notch! Ahhh! Hurry! Drink!" So needless to say we (there were five of us) were a tad blotto by the time we left. My other friend Jay agreed to be the DD for the night and has an old minivan so it was perfect for transportation on this snowy eve...except for the fact that he had taken the back seats out so all of us were just rolling around. We got to the bar and more fun ensued...more drinking for everyone and with shots for Trevor (including a Three Wise Men for which his uvula acted as bouncer for to the nightclub which was his stomach only to discover that Jim, Jack, and Jose were underage if you know what I mean and if you don't you cannot handle my swift metaphors)...one Trevor had done this deed he still continued drinking but once he started dropping glasses and breaking them it was time to go. We then got burritos and I bought one for myself and Trevor (see poor Trevor reference above). I got a chorizo burrito which no one I was with had ever heard of (I described it aptly as a leaky, spicy Mexican sausage "But what kind of meat is it"....you do not ask such questions) and a steak burrito for Trevor. I ate most of mine and then someone took the leftovers and Trevor also offered up a bite of his burrito but when his friend Falo took the bite, Trevor (who was so drunk he probably thought he wasn't) grabbed a knife and began haphazardly swinging it around which cut Falo's hand oh so slightly...so I did what anyone would have done and picked up some lettuce and rubbed it in his eye...everyone knows the soothing effects of some lettuce in the eye...so then we went back to Trevor's and Trevor gave out sleeping arrangements...Jay would get the bed, Dave the couch, Falo the cot, Trevor the pool table and me.....the....recliner? This was not great, but I did manage to make what I kept referring to as a "series of chairs"...my head on the recliner, butt on a wooden chair and feet on another chair...with my jacket as a blanket...what a nice 15 minutes of sleep that was...Sunday was a day of football and Haley took me to Outback... we were then watching Desperate Housewives and I know what you think when I say that. "Tim, might you be a little gay?"

My answer is "No, I am not and these are other activities in which I partake that do not make me gay."
-Watching the OC
-Tea parties
-Listening to a little Celine Dion now and then
-Patting my friends butts
-Drinking a wine cooler
-Watching Laguna Beach
-Watching My Sweet Sixteen (man MTV airs a lot of potentially "if a guy watches this he might be gay" shows)
- Thinking about doing some yoga
- Admiring myself
-Nude oil wrestling with men

See these are all normal heterosexual activities.

Anyways, on Desperate Housewives, this one son of one of the housewives was glad that he had some upper hand from his mom because of something she told him so that he could be really gay and not get in trouble for it (here I am using gay as in the actual meaning of homosexual, not just stupid, or happy or any other alternate meanings) When would something happen to make you think, "Now I can be a huge homo and Mom can't be mad at me!" Geeze.

Trevor also writes a blog (just look in my friends if you are on there and his name is Grits&Gravy) which can be found on myspace.com (I also post this one there). he and I have decided to have a point-counterpoint blogoff of hilarious nature. If anyone has any suggestions for topics please let me know.

Also, some news on the domestic front, my boss Tim just asked Logan last week if Logan and I were looking for a new place to live and when he responded affirmatively Tim offered us this house he owns in Oak Park (4br, 2bath) for $1500/month. We checked it out and it is sweet and if we get four people in there with utilities and everything it will only be about $520/person/month and it is a house! Please let me know if you are interested. Here is a link to some pictures of the house: http://community.webshots.com/album/518008247aqjLdp

Also, let me and T-Bags know some ideas for our blogoff.