I apologize is the same as I'm sorry.....unless you're at a funeral

I have moved to Seattle, it's official. By that I mean Chicago has taken on this state where it is raining all the time and people are constantly galoshing about. I personally pretend it is not raining, yet people take my comments of "beautiful day, isn't it?" as some sort of extreme sarcasm. Think about it, things could be a lot worse then a little water. I personally, and maybe this is what seperates me, purposely search out water everyday and use it, in close connection with soap and shampoo, to clean myself. These people act like some sort of wicked witches of the west wherein the rain with each connection to their skin has an awful acidic effect and burns them. If that is the case, I do not wish to make light of people of such awful condition. Just keep covered up you assholes.

Now for a fine installment in a series I call:

PEOPLE I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND NO MATTER HOW MUCH MENTAL CAPACITY I DEVOTE (which on rare occasions is sometimes up to 3% of available capacity..the other 97% is involved in thinking about the Cubs, fantasy sports, my thirst level, and some sort of ranking system for cheeses that I like....provolone has ranked anywhere from one to seven)

John Mayer- This guy, along with Tom Brady, Derek Jeter, and Matthew McConaughey have bedded 99% of the women on Earth. Tom Brady and Derek Jeter make sense, they are both aliens. Matthew McConaughey doesn't wear deodorant so women go for his ruggedness or something. But John Mayer, really? I mean I guess he can tell every woman he meets he wrote "Your Body is a Wonderland" for her, but the song has been out for quite a while now. Why should women like Jen Anniston and Jessica Simpson fall for this? I have had a hard enough time convincing Alana that the mashed potatoes I made for dinner were actually made by me from actual potatoes rather than ordered...and that is not even anywhere near the same level of suggesting I wrote a song for her. (Which does not mean I have thought about telling Alana I wrote that song, but I figure Alana would have either a)heard the song before and called me out on it or b) told me the song was so great that I should go play my song for a music exec at which time I would be stucj karaoking Mack the knife which would only lead to a minimal record deal. Tim Radway does not accept minimal record deals) I mean, I guess John Mayer has some talent but enough to overcome having the largest head in whatever hemisphere he is currently located? Or enough to overcome repeatedly saying "say what you mean to say" to everyone all the time? Yeah, probably not. Weirdo. I just don't get it.