I must admit- I never have really understood parades. Maybe its because I never have been to a true celebration parade where you want to really get fired up to commend someone for recent victory. Maybe its because the Pegasus Parade I used to attend growing up main facet of excitement was the people who cleaned up horse doo and the shriners in their mini cars. I just don't know what it is. I have seen many parades, been in parades, watched parades on television- today listened to a parade (the gay pride parade is going on in full effect a couple blocks away from me, and I must say, there are some fired up parade goers over there). I am so totally over parades though. I just don't grasp the whole point of them- especially when people who are simply going to watch a parade get dressed up all crazy and get just as weirded up as some of those in the parade. It's some sort of parallelism where everyone at the parade- both those in it and those watching- want to be seen by everyone. There are only about two parades I would want to be at in the future: A Cubs World Series celebration parade and a parade generally lauding me. Hey, both could happen. Imagine everyone in their Tim costumes holding up signs with quotes that I had once famously spoken (sigh), it will be great. And I guess I will go...and one of the more exciting things for parade attendees will be the people who run behind me and scoop up my poop once I get out of the shriner mini car I ride around in (why would I want to ruin the best elements of any parade?)
Always be sure to use extra care when asking the question, "Is That Too Much to Ask?" if in fact, it turns out it IS too much to ask. I really have no elaboration for that, it's something I woke up and wrote down in the middle of the night. I guess it seemed funny/important/relevant at that moment in time.
A LIST OF UPDATED FEARS:
1. A cat sucking out my breath while I sleep.
This is why I am always extremely weary of letting myself nod off while cat's are present or have the potential to to be present. For instance, if I tire in a pet store, even if it currently has not received its most recent shipment of cats and is out, I cannot fall asleep since I consulted with management and they are expecting the next shipment soon. No, this did not really happen. Or maybe a little bit of it did.
2. A brain freeze that does not go away.
Brain freezes suck, why would I want a neverending one. That's why I always keep it a tad slow with the slurpees, slushess, and all other cold drinks. Except for margaritas.
3. Not liking beer and instead being really into flavored martini's.
I am a man. I own a shirt that says "it's mother fucking booze time". If such a scenario as the one described aboe occurred, I am pretty sure I don't even get to defend myself in a trial to keep my man card. And I probably have to give that shirt away as well.
I frequently drive on Lower Wacker Drive. I always try to observe the 30 mph speed limit, but then I always feel like I am playing Cruisn USA and there never seem to be police officers around. However, I have a feeling that this explanation to them would not work out that well, nor would a horrific fiery crash end up with my unadulterated car reappearing on the road flashing three times and allowing me to continue, albeit behind my competition.
Unfortunately after my last post, where I urged people to help me out with the formation of tacosmadebyapirate.com I received not much of a groundswell. By that, I mean no one responded to me in anyway. Worry not, I will take care of this on my own. Someone could have been really cashing in (any time I received a nickel as change I was going to give it up) as the pirate on my site- this, no more. Someone could have been my "slur watcher" to make sure I only used ethnic slurs when I thought they were really funny and sort of fit in. No more. Oh well. (But please, please help.)
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