PC load letter? What the fuck does that mean?

I must admit- I never have really understood parades. Maybe its because I never have been to a true celebration parade where you want to really get fired up to commend someone for recent victory. Maybe its because the Pegasus Parade I used to attend growing up main facet of excitement was the people who cleaned up horse doo and the shriners in their mini cars. I just don't know what it is. I have seen many parades, been in parades, watched parades on television- today listened to a parade (the gay pride parade is going on in full effect a couple blocks away from me, and I must say, there are some fired up parade goers over there). I am so totally over parades though. I just don't grasp the whole point of them- especially when people who are simply going to watch a parade get dressed up all crazy and get just as weirded up as some of those in the parade. It's some sort of parallelism where everyone at the parade- both those in it and those watching- want to be seen by everyone. There are only about two parades I would want to be at in the future: A Cubs World Series celebration parade and a parade generally lauding me. Hey, both could happen. Imagine everyone in their Tim costumes holding up signs with quotes that I had once famously spoken (sigh), it will be great. And I guess I will go...and one of the more exciting things for parade attendees will be the people who run behind me and scoop up my poop once I get out of the shriner mini car I ride around in (why would I want to ruin the best elements of any parade?)

Always be sure to use extra care when asking the question, "Is That Too Much to Ask?" if in fact, it turns out it IS too much to ask. I really have no elaboration for that, it's something I woke up and wrote down in the middle of the night. I guess it seemed funny/important/relevant at that moment in time.

A LIST OF UPDATED FEARS:

1. A cat sucking out my breath while I sleep.

This is why I am always extremely weary of letting myself nod off while cat's are present or have the potential to to be present. For instance, if I tire in a pet store, even if it currently has not received its most recent shipment of cats and is out, I cannot fall asleep since I consulted with management and they are expecting the next shipment soon. No, this did not really happen. Or maybe a little bit of it did.

2. A brain freeze that does not go away.

Brain freezes suck, why would I want a neverending one. That's why I always keep it a tad slow with the slurpees, slushess, and all other cold drinks. Except for margaritas.

3. Not liking beer and instead being really into flavored martini's.

I am a man. I own a shirt that says "it's mother fucking booze time". If such a scenario as the one described aboe occurred, I am pretty sure I don't even get to defend myself in a trial to keep my man card. And I probably have to give that shirt away as well.


I frequently drive on Lower Wacker Drive. I always try to observe the 30 mph speed limit, but then I always feel like I am playing Cruisn USA and there never seem to be police officers around. However, I have a feeling that this explanation to them would not work out that well, nor would a horrific fiery crash end up with my unadulterated car reappearing on the road flashing three times and allowing me to continue, albeit behind my competition.

Unfortunately after my last post, where I urged people to help me out with the formation of tacosmadebyapirate.com I received not much of a groundswell. By that, I mean no one responded to me in anyway. Worry not, I will take care of this on my own. Someone could have been really cashing in (any time I received a nickel as change I was going to give it up) as the pirate on my site- this, no more. Someone could have been my "slur watcher" to make sure I only used ethnic slurs when I thought they were really funny and sort of fit in. No more. Oh well. (But please, please help.)

TACOSMADEBYAPIRATE.COM

If anyone is still out there, reading my mental spew, enjoying it the way a bum enjoys making a new cardboard sign, checking back every few days to see if I have written something new (even though it is sort of a duh sort of thing since I suck big ones at writing this thingamajiggy too often now), then help me out. But only if you know something about website design, and want to donate some time and beer to me. Mainly the time. The beer would make you a better friend though. I want to bring this thing big time at , big time at tacosmadebyapirate.com. Where did this brilliant website title come from you may ask? (or you might not wonder about things like this anymore. you really should) Last weekend when the fam was up here for the Cubs game, after a day of frosty brews at the game and more beers afterwards, I was naming places to eat in the area, telling Nora that one of the options was evidently a restaurant named tacosmadebyapirate.com So I want that site, I lust for that site, I imagine this blog, funny vidoes of me, and videos of giraffes doing it on the site. I envision the site with a background of a pirate actually, in fact, making a taco. Flyers will then be put up around Chicago, New York and other cities, saying the name of the site. I urge you to find people who will not have their interest piqued by seeing a flyer with this website name on it. BAM ( Like Emeril but better) then people end up coming back, mainly with the hope I have added many more videos of the giraffes getting busy with it. In the end, it will end up being a site where you can watch videos of giraffes necking (pun intended) and buy t-shirts with giraffes doing it on it. But, for a short period of time you can also read this poop. This poop which by that point will hopefully be like a man on a well fiber regulated diet...which should be almost daily or something. And the search for giraffe action will have to be frequent too. So please shoot an e-mail to tradway@hotmail.com if you want to design me a site. I will also let you buy me that beer. Shit god damn I am benevolent.

So, after that Cubs game last weekend we were hanging out after the game at my new Wrigleyville abode and Paul called me and said that he had a surprise guest with him. I knew Brian was with Paul, and no offense to him, but he is not either surprising to me nor that much of a guest (my whole theory on the not a guest thing is you lose lotf of guest creedence when you will poop where you are, then openly boast about how smelly it was...that's beyond guest comfort level) so I had really zero clue who it could be. Much to my shock who walked in but none other then famous Cubs fan Ronnie Woo Woo. If you are a Cubs fan you know this man. He wears a Cubs uniform, and says Woo about a million times. He proceeded to woo it up a lot, and hang out for about an hour or so and drink a bunch of cola. It was all a very surreal experience as the picture that follows which looks very photoshopped will indicate.

Last Saturday and the drunken times that it included were eivdently a wealth of ideas for me. Piratesmadebyataco.com was the first, and the second was a tad more puzzling, but comic nonetheless...I began talking about how I was going to write a play about...get ready for this...the Wutang Clan. I am pretty sure this is a perfect project for myself and former blogoff comrade Trevor "Albino For Life" Giancarlo. The intrigue, the lust, the humorous times of the Wutang Clan all chronicled in three brilliant captivating acts.

I feel bad for people who have the same name as famous people. While at the same time wondering why they continue to stay in that situation. For instance, the other day I was listening to ESPN Radio and they were talking about something horse racing related and called upon ESPN's own horse racing expert...Randy Moss. Before he came on the radio a flurry of thoughts went through my head anout Randy Moss. "Man that guy does more than just play great WR" "I had no clue that Randy Moss would know so much about horse racing" "Why are the Tiger Woods Gatorade flavors so much better?" "Is it wrong to wonder what if about ridiculous things?" Then horse racing expert Randy Moss came on, and no, it was definitely not the wide receiver from the New England Patriots. A google search revealed that he in fact a short white bald man(to the left: imposter Randy Moss) A lot more fitting I guess. Shouldn't he be required to go by Randall or something like that? Then I was listening to the NPR and the head of some nimby pamby organization is named Hugh Grant. It was once again not THE Hugh Grant. After the other Hugh Grant picked up that hooker, name change time. Silly man. Plus this other Hugh was not even British and I bet women were let down constantly when they met him. Imagine letdown like that before you had even met someone.

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