Okay just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy, you are in hell co running a bed and breakfast with the devil?

So, ABC, want to let me in on this trick you have tried to play on me? It's a trick in multi parts, so let me break it down.

1) Air a funny comedy show for years called Scrubs. Star a young actor in it named Zach Braff. His inner dialogue really makes the show go round.
2) In 2010, still air a show called Scrubs. however remove Zach Braff (I am not sure if he was just not in this episode, or not on the show completely). Either way, it sucked. I felt like a confused baby, fed solids for the first time. This was the equivalent of not getting mashed carrots or rutabaga or whatever fucked up shit people feed babies. (seriously, to borrow from the idea of Chris Rock, it's not like babies said they couldn't taste, they said they didn't have teeth. and the poor beings actually can't say anything.)
3) I therefore assume Zach Braff is dead, since what else is he supposed to do with his life? It led to this google search and subsequent results:
4) He evidently had some suicide rumors, which he denied on his facebook page, by saying, "Hi. I'm very much alive. Total internet rumor. Amazing how fast one douche can spread a lie. Be careful out there on the internets friends. Please spread the word... Video of me holding todays paper to follow... Love, zb."
5) Zach braff is a huge puppy. Go back to being on Scrubs, moron. Or else, what is your career arc? Scrubs then Scrubs, then a movie where you wore a garbage bag, then some more Scrubs, then denying suicide rumors. Nice. Puppy.
6) Since that is boring, here are the results I got by google image searching "wombats getting busy"
6) Unfortunately there was one picture brought up by this search of Stalin and Lenin playing guitars. Ahhhh...the beauty of the internet.
7) The internet also provided me with this fun this week. Hotmail, with whom I have had an email address since 1998, just prompted me to change my password for the first time ever. In terms of ridiculousness, this is up there with an old person being told they have to wear an adult diaper for the first time. I did not feel as though my account was in danger previously, but thankfully they told me it was. Someone might break into my email and read all the top secret things I have. Like emailing people ot inform them I am going to google wombats getting busy. That's national security right there. Thanks, Hotmail, which when I tell people they are my email provider I might as well tell them that my dial up connects within five minutes, it's that hip.
8)Enough Metamucil as well as candy bar ads. Give up. Eliminate your marketing budget and watch your bottom line soar. I have never purchased Metamucil nor have I been swayed by an ad for a candy bar, but I have this theory that ads are pretty expensive.


BYAH. Suck it.

The face of a child can say so much...especially the mouth part of the face

And assuming that the mouth of the child was as wise as me, it could tell you of my 2010 resolutions. Now of course I have my own resolutions, but those really only profit me, so rather I am choosing to share my resolutions for the rest of the world and the things it needs to change in 2010.

1 Hollywood, world of sports, others of the world, stop using retreads.

Hollywood- As I have a choice between watching Boise State and TCU play in some meaningless bowl game this evening (I mean seriously, how will we know if either of these teams is any good? Could they not play actual teams from major conferences? And why does one team have bright purple pants and call themselves the Horned Frogs? Surely an homage to TCU great Kurt Thomas who looked sort of like a horned frog) or mindless drivel on in the background, I went with CBS "comedy" night for some mindless drivel. Last I checked, CBS, comedy night meant shows should make me laugh at least a 30% to the canned laughter. They are hitting on 2%. A commercial with Taye Diggs and Miss Piggy was just funnier. But I digress. There have to be tons of actors out there. Talented actors. Then why is Charlie Sheen on TV? And then on this dork show the one guy from Roseanne is on it, as well as the girl from the show John Ritter was on when he died....she gets a pass, because....duh. Then CBS has also aired a commercial for a show with Julianna Marguiles of ER fame....movie career didn't work out so well? Just give up. Go get a real job. I want you to make me a $5 footlong next time I go to Subway. You probably have some money so it can be your own proud Subway franchise. I do opt for jalepenos on most sandwiches. (And Charlie Sheen, I understand you need as much money as you can to cover legal expenses. Someday I will be able to hire you to try and catch cheetos in your mouth....someday)

World of Sports- There are 30 NBA teams, 30 MLB teams, and 32 NFL teams. Yet it seems to me there is a pool of 100 possible coaches/managers for these teams. Give me a try, one of you sports. Probably not the NFL since I would bring the "Madden" coordinators into effect ( just have people playing Madden on the sidelines and putting the best plays into the game...it's too easy) and win too many Super Bowls. All I know is this, I watch many more baseball games than most managers, and NBA players just have to have their egos taken care of. I would let them play me 1 on 1 everyday. It would also provide laughter for everyone and I would be nothing short of a media darling.

Rest of the world- Fortune 500 companies, stop hiring CEO's who failed as CEO's somewhere else. Men and women who have on again off again relationships where your friends don't know when they can insult your significant other, knock it off. The insults have to come free and easy. City of Chicago, stop putting a bag of gravel in potholes that can swallow entire vehicles. ESPN let up on the Sportscenters every once in a while. S&P 500, stop acting like you are really that important. Judd Apatow....you are excused, please continue making the same film over and over.

That is my main resolution for 2010 to the world. Because whenever someone said "There is nothing new under the sun," I don't think it was any sort of requirement. More rock, less talk 2010. Especially since we don't even have flying suits yet.