I know, I know, I've been a lazy fuck. Lazy, lazy, lazy. Unwilling. Sloth. Lacking of spirit, gumption, fire, spiss and/or vinegar. Well, I am done having a Monopoly Beyond Balderdash filled with Trouble, Chutes and Ladders, an overwhleming amount of what an Indian (dot) would call "Parcheesi", filled with all the bad guessing of a game of Pictionary that you may have played in your Life, and what can I say but Sorry, but not twice, you only get to hear that but Uno time, and if you think I will say it again, I will instead say to you "Don't Break the Ice, Cooties, Mad Gab, Risk, Barrel of Monkeys, Pick Up Sticks."
As of Christmas, I am now the proud owner of the domain tacosmadebyapirate.com Don't rish to the site yet, as there is nothing there. But I do have grand plans for it. There will be other contributors beside myself, video postings, places to buy t-shirts designed by me, a place to e-mail me where all you will get back is ethnic slurs and computer viruses, and maybe drawings by autistic children that you can buy, with all profits going to me. It's going to be real. It's going to be awesome. BUT, here is what I need.
1) Someone to design a website.
2) Someone to make a logo of a pirate making a taco. Probably a fish taco, you know, just because.
Eventually this logo will be on t-shirts for sale that will say witty things like "Tacosmadebyapirate.com Burned Down Disney World!"
Also, there will be a rum made by the site, how, I am not exactly sure, I do not know all inner workings of the Internet, and how machines do many things, but I am sure it can whip up some rum. The rum will have the motto "Get More Fuckin Wasted Then You Have Ever Been Ever, Wack Job" People will buy it for this very reason. It will hopefully somehow be 198 proof and disgusting, yet at the same time expensive.
I am tired of commercials for shows involving Frank TV as well as Tyler Perry. I have seen a combined zero minutes of these two shows and a combined 75 hours of commercials for these shows. I know people, yet somehow know NO MAN who watches either of these shows. So, if we blinded Frank Caliendo and Tyler Perry, and the viewership of these shows had been the perpetrator of this crime, and we asked them who did it, they would say " NO MAN did this to me!". Except Frank would say it in an unfunny John Madden voice and Tyler Perry would dress as a large black woman and say it. Sorry Frank, John Madden is funny enough on his own. And you don't look like any of the other characters you potray, so your job should be in radio, where we cannot tell you are a short stubby fat man. And Tyler, Martin Lawrence and Tracy Jordan already did being a large black woman except actually funny and not stupid or on TBS.
I realize that aside from not writing, another problem facing this blog is that many people may accidentally be going to tradway.blogspot.com. Go ahead, check it out. It's by some woman living in Massachusetts who calls herself "The Coupon Junkie". Her blog is all about coupon use. I want to take this time to warn her, get rid of your similar web address or I will order a large mushroom pizza to your house EVERYDAY. True, I don't know where you live. And to trick you up even more, I will sometimes pay for this pizza. I will keep you on your toes. And just when you expect that pizza to show up and you plan on eating it for dinner, I will send Thai food that night. Prepare for the worst, expect the worst, Coupon Junkie. You will never know what sort of food is being delivered to you.
