Colors of the world, I've got beef. Not you, blue, red, green....you know, the normal colors (well most of them. orange, you are pretty normal but at the same time not. I'll get to you later). The colors offered in a box of crayolas, at the paint store, and pretty much everywhere have gotten totally out of hand.
SALMON YOU ARE NOT A COLOR. YOU ARE A FISH. YOU ARE A DELICIOUS FISH AT THAT. WHEN DID IT SUDDENLY NOT BECOME GOOD ENOUGH TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING AS "PINKISH" OR HAVING A HUE OF A COLOR? ALL OF A SUDDEN SOMEONE HAD TO SAY, "WELL SYLVESTER, THAT COLOR LOOKS JUST LIKE A SALMON FISH." THE OTHER DUDE OR LADY (OR LADYDUDE) SHOULD HAVE SMACKED THIS GUY UP THE HEAD AND ASKED HIM IF HE WAS HUNGRY/ HAD RICKETS/TRISKAIDEKAPHOBIA.
Really though, the whole fad then of naming colors food items has gone far enough. Macaroni and cheese? Salmon? Cafeteria gruel? Chateaubriand? What colors will be thought of next? Colors named after prepositions? On? At? In?
Additionally, orange and purple, you are being put on watch. First of all, you don't rhyme with anything and are always the cause of blame and downfall in drinking games. No color should be involved in a chicken or egg argument either...which came first the orange or the color orange? Who cares? As Demetri Martin said about oranges:
“i think they named oranges before they named carrots.‘what are these?’‘those are oranges.’‘what are these?’‘oh shit.’‘long pointies?’”
So, fuck you orange. And purple. Even though I have yet to eat a purple. Let's reign it in colors of the world. (And peach you are still okay. You give every caucasian grade schooler identity).
So yes, The New York Giants won the Super Bowl. However, I am very concerned that they actually lacked a true prankster. I say this because I was reading an article about Eli Manning's maturation and how he was also evidently the resident team jokester/prankman. Running back Brandon Jacobs had something sort of like this to say, "One day Eli switched the language on my cell phone to Spanish and I had to track down a maintenance worker to help me switch it back. Then later Eli asked me how my Spanish was. What a trickster." That is not a prank at all, nor would it be all that funny. In fact, Brandon Jacobs sounded a little pissed, like he may have wanted to prank Eli back with a tire iron. If there cannot be some middle ground in sports between Greg Maddux's hijnks of peeing on rookies in the shower and Eli Manning switching cell phone languages on his teammates phones, then what has the sporting world come to? Can I possibly get a job for several major sports franchises simply trying to keep things loose? I would neither urinate on anyone nor switch cell phone languages (except to possibly incite a Zambrano/Fukudome battle).
GAME OVER.
